I Don't Believe in New Year Resolutions

I don't believe in New Year resolutions. I've definitely made them before but the older I get, the wiser I get and the more I realize that making a resolution in the new year is just a sad way to try to make yourself feel better about all the crap you didn't accomplish the year before. That's right, I said it. If you hadn't slacked on your workouts last year, you wouldn't have to resolve to work out more this year. If you hadn't been a mean schmuck last year, you wouldn't have to resolve to "live and let live" this year. Sorry, but I call 'em like I see 'em. So, this year I have resolved not to resolve because yes, last year I made some ridiculous promises I couldn't keep (a zen "let bygones be bygones" promise that ended as soon as the first Jersey driver almost ran me off the road). I have resolved to quit thinking I am so imperfect that I require 50 New Year resolutions just to be an acceptable human being. I will let myself work out a little less, I will let myself go without make-up a little more. I will eat a little more ice cream and I will let myself laugh a little more freely. I am making anti-resolution resolutions (which are really still resolutions which makes this whole resolving to not resolve thing a little confusing), but regardless, this year I just plan to be happy being me.

Along those lines, I am getting back into some of the things I love. The problem with having a baby is that the baby is all consuming. They are adorable and entertaining, demanding and time-consuming, sweet and distracting, tiring and complicated. You have them and they take over so much of your life and yet, a few months on, when you're actually getting some sleep and the baby haze clears, you remember that YOU existed before baby and YOU have wants/needs/goals and that's when YOU reclaim some independence.

For me, that independence is first manifesting itself in the simple form of running. Before Kayla was born, I was becoming an avid runner. In fact, two days before
I found out I was pregnant I ran the farthest I had ever run in my life. As those of you who've read the blog know, I then kept in shape throughout the entire pregnancy, running, walking, lifting weights and swimming. I felt amazing the entire ten months. But now, keeping up with the exercise post-baby has proven a significant challenge. Between the sleep deprivation early on and the baby's non-stop schedule now (bottles, naps, solids, baths, playtime, diaper changes...) it is really hard to find an ideal time to get in a workout. And now that the weather has turned cold, taking Kayla out for a run is almost impossible. I just feel mean running her up and down the snow-crusted roads while her little nose turns red and her eyes tear up. Yes, I know she'll survive, but it just doesn't feel right. I could go to the gym. I definitely could. I am even paying extra each month so that Kayla can hang in the gym daycare center while I workout. But, the problem with the gym is that by the time I get Kayla fed, dressed and ready to go, get myself dressed and ready, get to the gym (either a 20 minute walk or a 10 minute drive) and get K settled in daycare, it is, without exception, about time for another feeding or nap and now our whole day is guaranteed to be thrown off. And so, my workout routine has definitely suffered. As time has gone on though, I've realized that I miss it. I miss it so much. I need to workout each day; it gives me energy, it gives me endorphins...I need it. And so, in order to force myself to get back on the horse, I signed up for my first Half Marathon last week. When I get back on the horse, I get back on the horse. So far, training is going well. Of course, this is week one. I've been getting up early so that I can get in my runs before Chris goes to work and I've been hitting the gym for cross-training either with Kayla or when Chris is around in the evening. I'm already wondering how this will all go once the runs start to get longer though. It is a whole lot easier to steal 30 minutes to run than it is to steal an hour and a half. It's also, frankly, overwhelming to think that in just 12 weeks I should be able to run 13 miles. 13 M-I-L-E-S. That is a long long way. And realizing that I'm going to have to train during travels (DC trips, a ski trip out west...) and potentially so early in the morning that it is still pitch black and a whopping 20 degrees or less outside...oi, but, part of me is also relishing the challenge. Part of me is relishing the fact that I now have a goal for me and only me.

If you're interested in following my mission, I'm starting a running blog: mytwowebbedfeet.blogspot.com

Yes, I know, again with the duck theme, but I already had the avatar of "webbedfeet" on a running message board I'm on, so it just felt right.

Alright, enough about me. This is Kayla's blog, so I promise the next post will be back to being focused on Smush-tastic smiles and crawler-baby antics. Sorry Smush, not trying to steal your thunder, but considering that most of mommy's Christmas presents this year were really for you...you kind of owe me one anyway. :)