Dharma and Greg

So, funny story about Chris and I and the little differences in our potential future parenting styles.

A couple of years ago, we're standing outside baggage claim at an airport waiting for our ride to arrive. As we stand there, a mini-van pulls up and out hops a kid who's probably around 16. He has a crazy black Mohawk (might have been a couple green spikes in there too), fingernails that are painted black, and he's wearing one of those spiky dog collars around his neck. The rest of his outfit is typical punk/goth - black concert t-shirt, ripped up jeans, etc. He walks past us toward baggage claim, where he meets a little old couple who he swoops up in two of the biggest, warmest hugs I've ever seen. After the hugs are finished, he takes both people's large suitcases and starts back toward the van. They all walk up to the van and he rushes to drop the suitcases back near the trunk so that he can get back to the couple. He opens the back door and helps the woman climb up into the seat, then he does the same for the man, who gets in on the front passenger side. He then checks that they're both okay before closing the doors. After that, he walks back around to the trunk and lifts the two gigantic suitcases in, before coming back around to get behind the wheel. Then he drives off.

The follow-on conversation between Chris and I goes something like this:

Chris: Our kid is NEVER dressing like that.
Me: Are you kidding me? That was what you took away from that scene?
Chris: Um, yeah. Did you see his hair? And the collar? No way.
Me: But did you see how considerate and loving he was with his grandparents? He seriously came across as the nicest kid in the world. If we can teach our kid to act like that and the worst thing he wants to do is dress a little funky for a few years while he's going through teenagerdom, then so be it.
Chris: Yeah, but no. Kids don't dress that way for no reason. There's something wrong with him.
Me: You do realize that when you first met me I had all kinds of piercings - 6 earrings, belly button. I even had a tattoo.
Chris: Yeah, but you got rid of them pretty quickly.
Me: Would you not have dated me otherwise?
Chris: No...I mean, I would have...but you weren't goth like that. You were just a hippy.
Me: Seriously, if the worst our kid wants to do is dress a little bizarre, but he's still kind and nice and overall good, I say we just go with it. All kids have their phase.
Chris: Yeah, it's called I smoke pot when my grandparents aren't looking.
Me:...oh wow. You got that from his hair?
Chris: I'm just saying...

The reality is, do I know how I'll feel if our kid decides to go full-out Goth some day? No. I don't. The idea doesn't exactly thrill me, but I do feel like all kids go through a period where they are struggling to figure out who they are, where they are struggling to express themselves, and where they are trying to fit in somewhere, anywhere...that's what middle school and high school are about. So, if our kid stays a happy, healthy person, but wants to dress a little strangely, well...is that really the biggest concern? I think not. I say if having green hair keeps them from dropping out and sinking into depression then so be it. Chris, on the other hand, might not know what to do with a kid who decided to go that way. This actually gives me great hope that we will, in fact, be able to switch off in terms of the Good Cop, Bad Cop roles. I can be the easygoing parent when it comes to how they decide to design themselves over time and Chris can be the easygoing parent when it comes to them throwing a tantrum, which will likely make me totally insane. It's all about balance...I think we'll find it. Even through a Mohawk period.