There are so many times as a parent that you do something and then think "Now, if that's not love, then I don't know what is." Let me put that more honestly. There are so many times as a parent that you do something disgusting and think "Now, if that's not love, then I don't know what is." You think that the first time your baby goes to spit-up/throw-up and instead of thrusting them away from you, you pull them closer, more focused on comforting them than on avoiding the nasty downpour. You think that the first time you get drool in your eye after playing an ill timed game of "SuperBaby". You think that as you first take your baby's temperature rectally, as you first get accidentally doused in pee, as you first bend down to wipe projectile pooh up off the floor...Tonight though, Chris and I discovered a whole new level of love. Tonight, we discovered...The Nose Frida.
Oh, Nose Frida...I had heard tales of you around the Moms Group campfire. You were to be the aspirator to end all aspirators. Moms talk about you in hushed tones, evoking your name as they would the name of a supreme being. Only one pharmacy in all of Hoboken carries you and they are constantly having to restock their supply as word of your wonder has spread throughout the mom community. And yet, somehow, in all that hype, I never once saw the most important note about you. Oh yes, I saw that you were fondly referred to as "The Snot Sucker", but I just never fathomed...
I mean, I saw the picture:
But my mind, refusing to believe what it saw, just turned that little tube sticking out of the woman's mouth into a stethoscope. I mean CLEARLY that woman is a doctor and that is her...wait...
When I walked up to the counter in the drugstore, Nose Frida clasped to my chest, excited to make my purchase and return home to save my daughter from the evil Phlegm Monster who is plaguing her, the Pharmacist looked up at me, smiled and said "Is this your first time sucking snot?" "Ha Ha," I laughed, thinking that he was referring to the same sucking motion that happens when one uses a bulb syringe. But then he began to explain and as he continued his explanation, my eyes grew wider and wider.
For those of you who haven't caught on yet, the way you use the Nose Frida is that you - YOU - suck the snot out of the baby's nose and no, I do not mean by squeezing a bulb. I mean by putting the end of a long tube in your mouth, inserting the opposite end of said tube into your baby's nose and then sucking. YOU SUCK THE SNOT OUT OF THE BABY'S NOSE - LITERALLY. Is anyone not horrified by this?? I mean, okay, when you get down to it, there is a very effective filter between your lips and the incoming snot, but still...EWWWWWW-WYYYYYY.
And I don't mean to pull all of the sympathy toward me. Poor, poor traumatized Kayla did not exactly love the Nose Frida experience either. And of course, for her, this came on top of having been waterboarded (i.e. turned practically upside down while we dumped saline drops into her nostril) and steam fried (i.e. forced to hang out in a steamed up bathroom for 10 minutes as the sweat began to pour down both her and her mama's faces, in an attempt to loosen up any mucous in her system).
But enough about her...
Tonight, for the umpteenth and perhaps most poignant time, Chris and I performed our parental duties (after a vicious match of Rock, Paper, Scissors to determine whose mouth was going to do the dirty work), then turned to one another and said "If this isn't love..." Even for a "seasoned" mom, who now doesn't think twice about diving in to clean up super stinky pooh and who barely bats an eye as drool drips down her shirt and skin, the Nose Frida...well, the Nose Frida was a whole new kind of love and Snuzzles...I just hope someday you appreciate what true love is.
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