Monday, February 7, 2011

Mmm Mmm Good

This morning I fed my daughter Crisco for breakfast. Yes, Crisco. C.R.I.S.C.O. The lard-like "all-vegetable shortening" nastiness that you use to grease cooking sheets. Mmhmm.

We sat at the table and I spread a little on a couple small chunks of toast and watched her go to town. Then I licked a little stray cream cheese off my finger and thought, "Hmm...this cream cheese has no taste. What brand is this?" I turned over the foil it was wrapped in, "Crisco. Crisco? Crisco makes cream cheese or this is actually....oh crap!"

Dear Kayla,
I am sorry that your first taste of cream cheese was actually a taste of something that is not meant to be ingested as a food item. I know you thought it was tasty enough and wolfed it down like it was chocolate buttercream frosting, but still. Some day when you know what Crisco really is, please know that I did not intentionally feed it to you, I was merely delirious from a night of little sleep (See? It's really your own fault.) and oops...

Seriously, Crisco. And I was having guilt over giving her some restaurant prepared cheese quesadilla the day before due to its potentially high salt content. Ha! At least I realized my Crisco mistake only a few bites in. Can you imagine if she'd had an entire piece of toast covered in that? Her insides would have been a veritable oil slick and, well, I guess Daddy and I would have been the ones to pay the price. "Look out! Thar she blows!" And we thought what we'd been dealing with was nasty...
welcome to the world of heavily greased baby intestines. Mmmm.

On the plus side, I guess we now know that she's not allergic to soy bean or palm oil. Which was a major concern...because we'd been giving her a lot of those two things...and of course, it's good to know that if we're ever stranded on a desert island and the only thing that washes ashore with us is Crisco, well, we might just make it.

No comments:

Post a Comment