Dear Sir

Dear Sir -

While I sympathize with the fact that you might not want to listen to Jingly Roar the chiming lion toy jingle jangle his way to DC in your Amtrak car, I do wish to point out that your choices are as follows: 1. Endure Jingly Roar's cheerful tune or 2. Endure my overtired child's ear piercing screams. While I agree that it would be convenient for her to merely entertain herself by quietly reading a novel, I would point out that my infant is, in fact, only six months old and Moby Dick is still just a little beyond her abilities. I, myself, could read to her, but would you really rather here me hyper-enthusiastically recite Squishy Turtle and Friends ("Beware the crab, I think he knows, just how to pinch your tiny toes!") than listen to the jingles? Or perhaps you would prefer I launch into a run-on rendition of The Wheels on the Bus. Again, these are your choices; these things or "WAAaAAaaH!!!!!!!!!"

I, most happily, leave the choice to you.

Sincerely,
Erin "Travel Mama" Duck

The Scent of Burning Bills

Okay, I know it's not fair. I knew, before I ever hired a nanny, that Kayla takes naps and therefore there are times during the day when whomever is watching her is free from any caretaker duties. I knew that. And yet, whenever The Nanny is here and Kayla takes a 2-hour nap, the smell of dollars-a-fire fills my nostrils and I can't help but wonder, "What the hell am I paying this woman for?" Which is totally unfair, because, as I said, clearly I knew that part of a nanny's time here would be spent in chilling while Kayla naps. Plus, The Nanny is a very sweet woman who is seemingly great with Kayla when she is awake and I'm not trying to discount her caretaker skills or worth. But honestly...Kayla has been asleep for almost two full hours now. The Nanny is only here for 8 total. Kayla also took an almost 1-hour nap earlier this morning. That is three napping hours total today, which means that nearly half, HALF, The Nanny's day has been spent writing letters, talking on the phone and making lunch while Kayla slumbers. Burning...embers...of dollars hard-earned...and then The Nanny comes in and offers to make me tea and I feel terrible having just been questioning her monetary value. And every time I'm tempted to call it a day and say, "You know what, I don't know if this is working...", I think of something else I can do because she is here (hours of completely uninterrupted work, longer run, doctor's appointment, yoga class...) and I remind myself that if I get rid of her, that is it; there is no going back. And so, she remains. And she is lovely. But, goldarnit, this might be one of the bonuses to daycare - blissful ignorance of the amount of hours a day that you are paying someone to essentially do nothing.

Sigh....

Dear Lord,

Back when I was pregnant, you and I had numerous discussions about pregnancy and ways in which, perhaps, the process could be improved upon. Up until now, I hadn't really felt experienced enough to continue that dialogue with a new focus on motherhood and infant growth; however, with nearly six months under my belt now, I'm feeling more and more qualified every day and so, I would like to reinitiate our conversation, starting with these few points:

1. Teething. Was it really necessary to make the teething process such that those sharp little bits of bone have to force their way up and through the sensitive skin of baby's gums in order to come into existence? Really? I have to tell you that it seems somewhat barbaric, a strange form of torture, to have teeth come into being in that manner. Is this some sort of right of passage for babies? Something akin to the natives who throw themselves off cliffs, slamming their heads into the dirt, only to be deemed "men"? Have you seen X-Men Origins: Wolverine? You know the way he reacts after they've inserted the adamantium into his body and his claws shoot through for the first time? Seriously...there has to be a better way. (and yes, that's right, I said adamantium. nerrrrd.)

2. Nails. Why must babies be born with nails? As far as I can tell, the only function they serve is to scratch both baby and mommy as little uncontrolled baby limbs fly to and fro in the first couple months. (And for those of you who are going to throw out an evolutionary explanation, come on...do you seriously think that at any point in time, a baby was able to fend off a dangerous foe with its nails? I am willing to put lots of money on the fact that baby nails back in caveman times, highly ineffective against velociraptors.)Why couldn't nails develop later? Way later. Like once baby is 13 and can trim them herself. Of course, maybe giving baby sharp claws at the same time as she hits puberty isn't a brilliant idea...but there's got to be a better way than giving them to her when she has no control over her appendages and when those little sharp dagger claws are small enough that, in trying to trim them, a well-meaning mother might (just hypothetically of course) cut the little finger they're protruding from, causing baby and mommy to cry together in fear and shame.

3. Lack of Ability to Store Up Sleep. Much like the camel stores water so that it can traverse the long dry desert, would it not make sense to allow expectant mothers to store up sleep so that they can traverse the long sleepless nights that are baby's first few months? The bonding, the sharing, the getting to know one another...I'm just thinking that it might all go a little more smoothly were mom not running on about 2 hours of sleep. Mom might be able to actually see baby's face rather than just an adorable blur and baby might find itself out and about with two non-matching socks, pants on its head and a hat over its bum far less often.

4. Inability to Blow Nose. Babies are born with lots of instincts. If they sense they are about to fall, they'll flail and grab for something to hold onto. If they eat too much, they spit-up to keep from being overly full. They are born knowing how to cry in order to get their needs taken care of. It seems only fair that they also be born with the instinctual ability to clear their airways. When baby gets a cold and has a nose stuffed full of cement-like snot, it impedes baby's ability to sleep and eat - the two most important tasks it has at this age. Does it not, therefore, make sense to give baby the ability to blow its nose from birth? I know you tried to make up for this oversight by giving some brilliant Swede the idea to invent The Nose Frida, but perhaps just letting baby push that stuff out on her own would be more effective. I mean, not that I don't enjoy a good Frida session, but between me fighting my gag reflex and Kayla screaming because, let's be honest, she probably feels like we're trying to suck her brain out through a nostril, I'm just thinking that her calmly blowing into a tissue might be a little more pleasant for everyone.

That's all for now, Lord. I'll be awaiting your reply. If you agree that some of these things could be amended, perhaps we could knock that out before Baby #2? No pressure, but hey, much like all those people who claim that "Windows 7 was my idea!", I'd like to get a little result for my thinking-effort. Cheers.

Light Bulb Moments

Despite the fact that Kayla is still sick, she has been on a hilarious learning streak the past couple of days. Apparently, having Grams around (Grandma Spatz, that is) makes her want to show-off.

This week she has picked up some adorable new skills:

1. She now tries hard to play Patty Cake along with you. As you sing the song and clap your own hands, she brings hers together, sometimes more effectively than others, and tries to keep up. She also throws her whole body back and up at the end when you exclaim "And put it WAAAAAAAY up in the oven...". Watching her "get it" is so much fun. To know that all of this really is sinking in and to see the little lightbulb inside her head go *ding*...so fun.

2. She now gives kisses. I am not joking. If you now put your face down close to hers and say "Kisses for Mommy (or Grams, or Daddy, or Aunt K, or...)", she'll take your face in her two hands, open her mouth BIG AND WIDE and will plant one on your cheek. It is potentially the cutest thing ever to happen on this planet we call Earth. I could let her goober and slime my cheeks all day long. I love it. LOVE IT.

3. She is starting to get Peek-a-boo. When you place a cloth over her head now, she reaches up and pulls it off and then smiles at you expectantly, waiting for the "PEEK-A-BOO" that necessarily must erupt from adoring adult lips.

4. She is starting to realize that certain things she does get a reaction from the adults around her. The kisses for instance...she definitely knows that her kisses cause adults to giggle and cheer and smile and coo...and so now, after she does it, she pulls away and looks up expectantly, oftentimes initiating the giggling herself. "Hello...did you see what I just did? Love and adore me! I am adorably hilarious!" It is so fun to see her socialization skills coming through. The fact that she now looks for a reaction from you, realizing that she has the power to create a response...it is too cute. This even extends so far as to have her sit and smile across the room at Daddy for minutes on end, patiently waiting for him to turn, see her and smile back. Nothing is better than a reaction from Daddy. And nothing is better than a smiling baby. Seriously, this kid just gets more amazing everyday.

And along those lines...I am realizing more and more every day how lucky I am to be working from home right now. To be able to spend so much time with Kayla, to watch her every little development, every little change...it is getting harder and harder to picture being back in an office every day and to picture not having the ability to share so fully in her life. Part of me knows that it would be fine. I have plenty of friends who are doing it and doing it well. But, when I think of leaving her full-time...my heart contracts a little. This little girl is changing me and changing Chris. She is changing our world in such new and amazing ways. We are still us and we still have our own wants, needs, desires, dreams...and yet we are also so much hers now. It is really an incredible, incredible thing.

Sickness

Poor Kayla...

Stuffy, runny, all-around snot-infested nose, nasty cough, and watery eyes...our little baby is having a rough time right now. Apparently being stuck on an airplane for 6 hours got the best of her. Some germ-infested person managed to spread their sickness to her via the illness-incubator that is the plane cabin and now she is down for the count. Well, not down. Actually, the cold has managed to make her want to do anything BUT go down. I can't say that I blame her. She lays her poor little head down and immediately starts making the most horrible sounds. You know when you have a really bad cold and breathing is anything but easy? Well, imagine that, only now you also don't have the luxury of being able to blow your nose, clear your throat or take drugs. Fun, right? And so, poor Kayla just lies there pathetically snorting and wheezing and moaning...it's horrible. And yet, when she's up...she is still UP. I don't know how she does it, but she's still managing to smile and giggle her way through the day, pausing only briefly to sneeze or cough or snuffle. Her Aunt Kristen came over Friday and I had warned her, after being up with Kayla much of the night, that she shouldn't expect K to be in a very good mood. But clearly I need to have more faith. Kayla not only smiled at Kristen, she giggled at her, went out to the park with her, showed her all her new tricks...I say again, my kid is a TROOPER. She's more of a trooper than me. I've managed to catch the cold and I just want to curl up in a ball and sleep for about a week straight. Alas for the unencumbered days of my youth.

This is Kayla sick:



This is me:



Okay, no, that's not REALLY me. That is some random girl whose picture is up on the Internet under the Google Search heading of "Fetal Position". The picture isn't protected, so I have ganked it for my own use. That's right. Ganked. I am not posting a real picture of me sick because, come on, I have a reputation to maintain. No one wants photos of my sick self up for the world to see. No, really, you don't. Plus, how would I get such a picture? Chris would mock me if I asked him to take one and setting up the tri-pod to take it myself is far too much effort for my temporarily crippled body to make. Not to mention, that I feel like taking a picture of myself sick would be a whole new level of crazy blogger that I am just not ready to explore.
Anyhow, you get the point. Kayla, the 5 month old, is tougher in the face of sickness than her mother. For shame.

Bugs In My Bottle

Super cute title, right? Except that there literally could have been B-U-G-S in Kayla's last few bottles. Allow Abbott Industries to explain:


"Abbott is initiating a proactive, voluntary recall of certain Similac-brand, powder infant formulas in the U.S., Puerto Rico, Guam and some countries in the Caribbean.

Abbott is recalling these products following an internal quality review, which detected the remote possibility of the presence of a small common beetle in the product produced in one production area in a single manufacturing facility. The United States Food and Drug Adminstration (FDA) has determined that while the formula containing these beetles poses no immediate health risk, there is a possibility that infants who consume formula containing the beetles or their larvae, could experience symptoms of gastrointestinal discomfort and refusal to eat as a result of small insect parts irritating the GI tract. If these symptoms persist for more than a few days, a physician should be consulted."

In case you missed it, what Abbott is saying is that Kayla, over the past few weeks, may have ingested some yummy beetle bits. And here I was worrying over the fact that her formula contains sucrose. A little sugar seems far less nefarious when you compare it to this newest uncovered ingredient of bug eggs. Larvae for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Guess we can cut out those protein supplements...

In happier and less stomach-churning news, Kayla has been on a people meeting mission lately. In every store, at every bus stop, on every park bench, she has been a smiling, flirting, friend-making machine. The butcher in the grocery store is her new bud. The cashier at Target is her bff. My old friend, Mike, from high school, her newest love interest. It is so fun to watch her coo and smile and flirt with anyone who comes into her line of vision. Guess the book is right - those socialization skills have kicked into overdrive.



And you know what else has kicked into overdrive? Her desire to crawl! Yup, crawl! She definitely hasn't perfected her technique yet, but she is on a mission to go places as soon as she is set down on the ground these days. Right now she looks a little ridiculous doing it (Shh...don't tell her). Her current method for inching along is to pull her legs up under her, push her butt up as high into the air as it will go, then pedal her legs until she gets enough momentum to propel herself forward head first. Are you wondering what her arms are doing during this? Typically sitting folded up under her belly or being chewed upon as she shoves them both into her mouth. I'm not sure what she has against using her arms. Most babies tend to favor their arms, hence the rolling from front to back first and the early-on army crawl technique. Not Kayla though. She has the strongest legs ever and so she prefers to try and use them to accomplish any and all tasks, including excercising her new teeth. Eh? Well, lately she likes to shove her toes into her mouth and chomp on them like a chew toy. Most of the time this works out because she puts them far enough in that she's just gumming them with the side of her mouth, but occasionally she actually gets them positioned just right so that when she clamps down, "WAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!" - The big toe "gets it" from the two little teeth that now protrude from her bottom front gum. And I know it shouldn't be funny, but it kind of is...I mean seriously...get the mental picture going...funny, right?

Poor hilarious Kayla. You are seriously too cute for words.

Shameless

So, because she is too cute to be resisted, I entered Kayla in the Baby of The Week contest at Parents Magazine. No, I do not plan on being a stage mom and no, Kayla will not be forced to participate in baby pageants, but, if you want to support her first little foray into the world of Adorable Baby Stardom, please vote for her via the link below. She is currently #31 out of more than 1,000 entrants, so get the word out and get her the glory and us $1,000.

Hey, formula is expensive. Don't judge. Just Vote.

http://photos.parents.com/category/vote/photo/493538