Silver Lining

We are constantly being told that every dark cloud has a silver lining and that we should look on the bright side in all things. Most of the time, it is really hard to buy into all that shiny happy world mumbo jumbo when you are curled up on the couch, shivering, shaking, and aching with a nasty case of the flu. That said, this time the flu did come with an unexpected silver lining and I have never been happier to have spent 5 hours in the ER.

I started feeling sick on Saturday. I was growing progressively more miserable, but it felt like I was coming down with a nasty cold, nothing more serious. Plus, I'd had my flu shot - I was invincible! By Sunday I was a quivering, pain-filled shadow of my former self. Every muscle in my body ached like I'd been beaten by an army of angry batters and I could barely keep my eyes open for more than 15 minutes at a time. By 8 o'clock that night I was running a temperature of 101 and Chris was on the phone with my OB who told us that we should head over to the ER. As anyone who has ever had to go to the ER knows, there is nothing more miserable than having to sit in a waiting room for hours on end while feeling like absolute crud and wanting nothing more than to be back at home curled up under your blanket. That said, we toughed it out and had the doctors run the full gamut of tests. I was pretty dehydrated so they pumped me full of liquids which actually felt great once the nurse got the IV in properly. On her first attempt she "overestimated" the thickness of my vein and punched right through it. In case this has never happened to you, it KILLS! She then had to switch to the second arm to give it a second go. She was very apologetic and accidents happen, but seriously...I think that one little vein might have been the only part of my body that didn't hurt pre-hospital visit. Give a girl a break!

4 hours into our visit, the doc finished working on me and ordered an ultrasound to make sure that everything was okay with the baby. I cannot describe how strange it is to constantly have to worry about TWO people anytime something happens to your body. And the fact that this second person is invisible, silent, and still, for the most part, unfelt, makes things all that more complicated. I was really relieved to hear that they were going to perform a full ultrasound. I had been having cramping all through my abdomen and though I knew it was probably just a result of the fever, it was still making me nervous. The ultrasound not only assured us that the baby's heart was beating and that the little one was still happily moving around inside mommy's sick stomach, but it also provided us with something even more exciting...the baby's sex! So the question is...were mom and dad right? Chris and I had been so convinced that the baby was a boy. I don't know what started it - Chris' hopes, my realization that I had better be prepared for a boy in case Chris was right - but somehow we both wound up convinced that the baby was a boy.

So much for parents' intuition. We are having a GIRL!!! A beautiful, wonderful baby girl! (yes, they can see that on the ultrasound too) "Are you sure??" Chris asked the ultrasound technician, both of us somewhat in disbelief. "Yep," she said, zooming in on the baby's nether regions, "See? Nothing there!" And, indeed, there wasn't! At this point, I honestly would have been just as thrilled with a boy, but a girl...needless to say, we are thrilled. We are still going in for a 20 Week ultrasound with my OB this Thursday, so they will confirm the sex then, but I don't think there's really any question. Orange Seed is a little lady! Orange Seed, we are so sorry that we have been referring to you as "him" for the past few weeks! We promise to make it up to you!

Daffodils

This past weekend Orange Seed met a very important person - his/her Dran. Dran is Chris' grandmother, she is his father's mother, and she is my friend. Since the first time I met Dran, nearly 10 years ago, I have felt that she I had a bond. We share a love of poetry, of beauty, and of all things wondrous. We are both fascinated by this ever-changing world we live in and we both desire to continue to learn and to experience new things. From the first time she recited, from memory, her favorite poem, I knew I was going to love her and, indeed, over the past ten years, I have come to love her as much as if she were my own grandmother.

In January 2009, Dran turned 100 years old. 100 years old. She wore sparkling party clothes to a celebration attended by all of her closest friends and family and though her energy level had waned somewhat in the months preceding the party, she was wide awake on that day in January, smiling at every one of her guests and recounting stories of her adult life, childhood, and every stage in between. Guests told stories of her life - how she used to hop the train to neighboring towns and cities in Georgia, just to see what they might hold; how she once took a trip to NYC when she was in college and how she painted the town red; how she married her husband, who came from a far poorer family and was never really suitable in the eyes of her family, despite what anyone else thought; and she herself told a story about relatives she had known who had at one point traveled by covered wagon. Dran is an amazing person. At a time when it was exceedingly rare for women to go to college, she went on to study at Duke University. At an age when most people would have given up on trying to learn the newest electronic advances, she was genuinely fascinated by our iPods and by video games. And though she only saw me once or twice a year, she always had the biggest warmest hug for me and would tell me she loved me in words that would melt the heart.

Over the past few weeks, Dran has seemed to be settling down to leave this world. Last week things seemed to be taking even more of a turn for the worst and so we flew down to see her. I don't think that we went to say goodbye. Rather, I think we went to say "we love you" to a woman who has meant so much to all of us. Knowing full well that she might not be aware enough to understand, I also wanted a chance to introduce Orange Seed to his/her Great Grandmother. I wonder sometimes what Orange Seed will be like and I hope that he/she will have bits of the amazing people who will have passed on before Orange Seed was able to know them. I hope that Orange Seed will have my Papa Spatz's determination, strength, contagious laugh, and ability to love. I hope that Orange Seed will have Dran's enthusiasm, lust for life, curiosity, and appreciation of the simple magics the world has to offer. As much as I know Chris and I will never be able to fully describe these people for Orange Seed, I do hope that we will tell enough stories that maybe Orange Seed will at least know that he/she is descended from an amazing line of people.

After 100 years of living life to the fullest, it is hard to say that I don't want Dran to go. I think she has earned a peaceful passage onto a place where she can rejoin her husband, her siblings, her parents, and all the other people who went on before her, as she continued to live such a long, amazing life. I like to think that she is at peace with the possibility of going on - that it is merely moving on for her, not an ending or any kind.

We love you, Dran. And we are so thankful that Orange Seed was able to meet the incredible woman who helped show his/her parents what it feels like to love and be loved.

18 weeks old - Orange Seed, you are growing so fast! Only two weeks now until we will find out if you are a boy or a girl. We can't wait! Our hunch (yep, we are unanimous) is still boy. We will apologize profusely if, in fact, you turn out to be a girl!

18 Weeks - 5 1/2 inches long and about 5 ounces in weight. The "Fruit of the Day" update now compares Orange Seed to a large mango. For the meat lovers out there, What to Expect is now comparing baby to a chicken breast (though it does emphasize that the baby is FAR cuter). I won't update you on how much it verifies my boobs have grown (sorry for even bringing it up, male readers). That statistic is too frightening to say out loud.

This past week has been wonderful. The Maternity Sale turned out to be a huge success. Way too successful actually. This may be one of those "lessons learned" that I note post-pregnancy. But for now, I am just trying to let go of my buyer's remorse and to tell myself that I really will need all these things in the coming months. I think the problem was that the sale was equivalent to a trip to Target. Everything seems so comparatively cheap that you wind up buying twice as much and totally negating the savings. Ah well...let's blame it on the hormones, shall we?

The BigCityMoms event was likewise super successful. They have a really great set-up and everything is done in such a way as to make you feel comfortable, even if you have come completely alone. They seat you at a table with other women who are due in the same month/couple of months as you, which is great, because it gives you a chance to meet other women who are sharing your immediate experiences/feelings/concerns/etc. Everyone was extremely friendly and I even left with one e-mail address, so maybe this will be a friend-making endeavor after all! It is strange to be trying to "pick up" other women, but hey, when you move to a new city and are lacking an immediate social outlet, you have to put yourself out there. It was actually a real relief to talk to the other women. So many of them also expressed that they were attending these events primarily to meet other moms-to-be and to make social connections. I know the fact that there might be other lonely girls in Manhattan is a shock only to me, but still...it was nice to know that I'm not really alone.

The other wonderful part of last week was that Chris and I FINALLY got to take our surprise trip out to Chicago for Miss Anna Sharp's 30th birthday party. We've been anticipating the trip for months now and especially since Anna accidentally found out about Orange Seed before we got a chance to tell her! Not being able to explain to her why she wasn't one of the first people we called (which she normally would have been) was torturous! It was so nice to finally surprise her and explain "We really do still love you, we just wanted to tell you in person and that is why we were waiting and we couldn't tell you because we couldn't tell you about our surprise visit and....". The explanation went pretty much like that. I think I babbled for a solid 5 minutes just trying to get the whole apologetic story out. Needless to say, the trip was a huge success. It was so nice to finally see the Sharp family again - Anna, Brad, and little adorable Allie. Even Orange Seed was excited and kicked around in my belly all weekend.



Thank you Sharp Family for a wonderful wonderful weekend!! Hopefully we will all be able to be together again soon.

Orange Seed and I head down to DC again this Wednesday. I think I'm going to beg my way out of a December visit. Too many things going on between now and the holidays. We have Grandma and Grandpa Duck coming into town for Thanksgiving next weekend, then visitors a couple of weekends in December, our trip down to Williamsburg for Christmas and a big ski trip with Suzanne and Tim over New Years. No, I will not be skiing, at least not downhill, but I'm hoping rather to get in some good spa time, relaxation time, and maybe some cross country skiing if I can still fit into my ski pants at that point. In the meantime, we're just enjoying the fact that it is now mid-November in NYC and it is still 50-60 degrees outside. I think the city is just faking us out, but I'll take it for now. As long as I can keep running along the water, NYC fall/winter is alright by me.

Maternity Sale Fears

So help me, if this turns out to be one of those crazy Running of the Brides type events, Big City Moms is going to get a nasty gram from me saying that they should really warn a person ahead of time.

Mylo Dweck Maternity Sale

That said, I think I might brave it. Just trying to decide how dedicated I really am. Maternity clothes are so overpriced that honestly, if it is as good as it sounds, it may be well worth the effort. Of course, I already have the Expectant Moms Dinner tomorrow night, so a full days worth of pregnancy events might be overkill. Decisions, decisions...wait, that said half-priced designer jeans, didn't it? SOLD! ;)

Photo Time

Visual update - 17 Weeks and Counting

I really need to start doing my hair before these pictures. Aside from the loveliness that is my first-thing-in-the-morning-look though, check out that belly! Still pretty small and, admittedly, smaller some days than others (blame it on all the good New York food), but I am definitely looking more and more pregnant as the days go by. Guess that means this all might be real after all.

Can It Be? A Baby Factory?

First of all, Happy 17 Week Birthday to Orange Seed!

And now onto the heart of the matter...

Earlier this week, I went to my 16 week appointment. As usual, it was an hour drive round trip to/from the doctor's office and I was in and out of the actual appointment in under 15 mins. I remember reading posts back when I first found out I was pregnant and was looking for doctors. People repeatedly talked about how much they had disliked the fact that their doctor's office felt like a baby factory and I thought, "Ah, okay, this is similar to the 'I am the only bride in the world and you will recognize just how special I am, goldarnit' craziness that some women go through." But, the reality is, now that I'm experiencing it for myself, I do understand how those women feel. There is something so special (and frightening, and exhilarating, and confusing) about being pregnant. You can talk to other moms, you can talk to other pregnant women, you can talk to other parents, but the reality is that, especially as a first time mom, you are putting a lot of faith in the person you choose to be your OB. They are supposed to be your guide through 10 months of strange and new experiences. They are supposed to steer you toward the right path and protect you and your baby from all the dangers that are out there, from Swine Flu to undercooked meat. So when you go into the office and they rush you into an examination room, slap you down on the table, whip around doing the three or four things they need to get done without any explanation and then start backing out of the room while asking in a hopeful voice "So, no questions this visit?", you do feel a little put out.

My doctors are fine. They are friendly. They haven't done anything "wrong" per se. They just also haven't taken any extra time to do anything right. I feel like I have been a super easy patient so far. I haven't had too many questions, I'm not calling them at all hours of the night double checking what I can and can't eat. I'm a pretty easy case - young, healthy, easygoing. That said, I do wonder if I'm not getting shortchanged by not having doctors who are willing to take the time to sit down and provide me with some guidance. After all, I am no expert at this. I am open to some advice and guidance since otherwise I'm just winging it and going by what I've read in the books.

I remember during my first yoga class the instructor told us "All that you need to know about being a mother is already within you." I do believe that. If you were lucky enough to be raised in a healthy, happy home, I think you come into a pregnancy with the distinct advantage of already having thought about what you would do when your day came to be a parents. You have already identified the traits/approaches you like, the things your parents did which you most appreciated or which most affected you. You've thought about the things you would and wouldn't do once you had children of your own. Most importantly, you have already learned what it means to be loved unconditionally and so that love is already inside you, waiting to come out and be presented to your own child in the form of hopeful, motivated parenting, even if not perfect. I think children, though they have obvious basic needs, are highly unpredictable and you have to be ready to go with the flow to a great extent. That said, when the baby is in my belly, there are all kinds of random things I am/am not supposed to do. Plus, things change daily. Another piece of wisdom from the yoga instructor: "Listen to your body. Every day is different. Every day your body will need/want something else." That is the truth. I remember internally rolling my eyes a little at the beginning. The changes seemed to come so slowly and since I was lucky enough to feel pretty good during the first trimester, I really didn't feel like a whole lot was changing. Now, going into month 5, I can better see what she means. Things change. One day your jeans are perfectly comfortable, the next your stomach wants nothing to do with a non-elastic waistband. One day you can sit happily in your desk chair for hours, typing away like normal. The next day, your lower back is achy and your stomach doesn't like being bent over, and you just feel like you're suddenly having to adjust your position, attitude, life around this new body that doesn't always feel like it belongs to you. I can only imagine how much stranger things get once you are carrying around a full on beach ball stomach.

I don't know if I'll wind up changing doctors or not. We're definitely considering it. On the one hand, it seems so easy to just stick with what you already have/know. On the other hand, I do want to be with a practice where I feel like if I have questions, I don't have to feel guilty interrupting their schedule to ask them. We're scouting for other options right now and we'll just see how it goes. Either way, I will not be missing my Dec. 3rd appointment when hopefully Orange Seed will cooperate and let us see whether we are waiting on a baby girl or a baby boy. Even just hearing his/her heartbeat yesterday was so exciting. I haven't felt the baby move yet, so hearing that reassuring thump thump thump is the most wonderful feeling in the world. Hang in there Orange Seed. We're waiting on you!

Weekend Warriors

Well, it was a somewhat sad Halloween this year, as it was the first time in 7 years that we couldn't host our annual Spatz-Duck Halloween Extravaganza. You don't realize how attached you've become to a place and the traditions that go along with it until you leave it all behind. We missed you on October 31, D.C.!

That said, it was a pretty eventful weekend for Chris, Orange Seed, and I. For Halloween, we decided to take in both of the NY/NJ Halloween parade extremes. We started out the day by watching the Hoboken Annual Ragamuffin Parade. I knew there were a lot of little kids in Hoboken - seriously, every other person you see is either pushing a stroller or clearly pregnant - that said, there were more kids at this parade than seemed possible. The costumes were impressive and we're definitely planning to dress Orange Seed up and walk him/her in the parade next year. There were some brilliant family costumes. For one family, both parents dressed as doctors and their little boy was dressed in a big green germ costume labeled H1N1. In another, both parents dressed in NASA caps and jumpsuits, while pushing their little one in a stroller that had been remade into a shuttle, with their little boy dressed in an astronaut suit riding front and center. Chris and I are already plotting how to outdo them all next year and win the coveted Ragamuffin Costume Contest Ribbon.

That night, we went to a slightly different kind of parade. For those who don't know, NYC has one of the biggest (if not THE biggest) Halloween parades in the country. It runs up 6th Avenue from Spring Street to 21st and it is AMAZING. This is a huge deal and though anyone in costume can walk, there are some big floats and a lot of "professional" parade groups who come fully decked out with themes and puppets and stilts and theater-quality costumes...it is really something. Few highlights below:



Overall, though the Halloween decorations stayed in the box this year, not a bad Halloween night at all. I even got a little dressed up since skipping a year of costumes just didn't seem right.


The other exciting thing Orange Seed and the parentals-to-be got to experience this weekend was the NYC Marathon on Sunday. 42,000 runners and over 2-million people lining the streets to watch, it was really the most amazing thing to witness. The energy was incredible. Now that I know the "Bob" running stroller is strong enough for "marathon distances", I'm thinking...goal for next year? Who's in?

The Winners:



and Those Who Inspire:

I'm so glad we went. It was such an incredible thing to watch. So much excitement, so much emotion...If you haven't been, definitely join us next year. You can come just to watch, don't worry. :)