Clearly you people did not cross your fingers because last night was TERRIBLE! After going down super easily at 730pm, Kayla woke back up at 1am and cried for roughly two hours. We soothed, we stroked, we patted, we prayed...and yet, it took a full two hours for her to finally fall back asleep. And then at 645am, she was back up and unhappy. We tried more soothing and cajoling, but she was not having any of it and so finally, at 720am, I got her up and we started our day.
This sleep training stuff is horrendous. It is miserable sitting there listening to her wail. All you want to do is just to go in and cuddle her up, but the experts swear we would be hindering rather than helping. She needs to relearn how to self-soothe now that she has quit sucking her thumb and the sooner she learns that skill, the better, both for her and for us. Breathe...
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Night Two
Night Two of Sleep Training:
Last night, Kayla actually went down with very little trouble. She seemed exhausted a little earlier than expected, so instead of starting our nighttime routine at 720, like we'd planned, we caved and started more around 645. By 730, Kayla was down for the count after only one brief crying episode and one brief comforting session from us. Last night it was my turn for battle, so I went to bed at 1000pm, prepared for a long long night. Instead, the night was amazingly painless. Kayla woke up multiple times, but only for brief periods of two to five minutes and each time she actually put herself back to sleep with no coaching from me. Only once, the whole night, did I have to get up and pat her and, again, that only lasted a minute before she sort of sighed and drifted back off. Now, she was up more than usual, probably once every few hours or so, but because her waking periods were so brief, there was no crying it out, no real sleep training...all just went so smoothly.
It scares me.
Why? Why would it be so easy only one night in? It seems too good to be true.
Today, Kayla woke up super happy and was right on schedule for everything - feeding, playtime...she was even in a good enough mood to agree to down some green beans (a new taste for her!) after completely rejecting any possibility of solid foods yesterday. And then it was naptime. She was tuckered out about 20mins earlier than anticipated, so I tried to extend her by reading her a book. Turns out, it is REALLY hard to read to a child who is screaming and squirming, so...we abandonned that idea and she went down for her nap. It took going in a few times to finally get her settled, but by then it was her real naptime, so it seemed like everything was going to work out perfectly.
Then the jackhammer started. That's right - jackhammer. Naturally, the building next door, which has been under construction for months, would finally be ready to have its foundation jackhammered just two days into our sleep training. Sure, why not? And so, over an hour of on-again, off-again sleep insanity ensued. Kayla would finally pass out, the jackhammer would start, Kayla would wake screaming, I would shush her, wait, shush her, wait, she would finally fall asleep, JACKHAMMMMMMMEEEERRRRRR. And so, this process went on and on until finally I was ready to give up, get Kayla up and head for Baby Yoga which, of course, is when Kayla finally passed out for good. There is absolutely no question that babies have some kind of mandatory activity radar. When you have somewhere you absolutely have to be, that is the one time that they will either take a longer nap, actually be ready for bed on time, or will decide actually they want to finish that whole bowl of cereal from which they normally only take a few bites. Oh, or that will be when they decide to take a monsterous poop that comes up and out the back of the diaper, covering them, their clothes and, oftentimes, an unprepared mama, just as you're on your way out the door. Babies are tricksy. They knows.
So now it is 2pm and Kayla is down for her second nap of the day. Thankfully, the jackhammering appears to have stopped momentarily and I'm just hoping they decide to extend their break through naptime. It only took 5 minutes to get Kayla down for this afternoon's nap, so I think she's exhausted. Just gotta hope that she manages to get in two hours or so now so that tonight is equally pleasant.
Keep those fingers crossed. It appears it may be working!
Last night, Kayla actually went down with very little trouble. She seemed exhausted a little earlier than expected, so instead of starting our nighttime routine at 720, like we'd planned, we caved and started more around 645. By 730, Kayla was down for the count after only one brief crying episode and one brief comforting session from us. Last night it was my turn for battle, so I went to bed at 1000pm, prepared for a long long night. Instead, the night was amazingly painless. Kayla woke up multiple times, but only for brief periods of two to five minutes and each time she actually put herself back to sleep with no coaching from me. Only once, the whole night, did I have to get up and pat her and, again, that only lasted a minute before she sort of sighed and drifted back off. Now, she was up more than usual, probably once every few hours or so, but because her waking periods were so brief, there was no crying it out, no real sleep training...all just went so smoothly.
It scares me.
Why? Why would it be so easy only one night in? It seems too good to be true.
Today, Kayla woke up super happy and was right on schedule for everything - feeding, playtime...she was even in a good enough mood to agree to down some green beans (a new taste for her!) after completely rejecting any possibility of solid foods yesterday. And then it was naptime. She was tuckered out about 20mins earlier than anticipated, so I tried to extend her by reading her a book. Turns out, it is REALLY hard to read to a child who is screaming and squirming, so...we abandonned that idea and she went down for her nap. It took going in a few times to finally get her settled, but by then it was her real naptime, so it seemed like everything was going to work out perfectly.
Then the jackhammer started. That's right - jackhammer. Naturally, the building next door, which has been under construction for months, would finally be ready to have its foundation jackhammered just two days into our sleep training. Sure, why not? And so, over an hour of on-again, off-again sleep insanity ensued. Kayla would finally pass out, the jackhammer would start, Kayla would wake screaming, I would shush her, wait, shush her, wait, she would finally fall asleep, JACKHAMMMMMMMEEEERRRRRR. And so, this process went on and on until finally I was ready to give up, get Kayla up and head for Baby Yoga which, of course, is when Kayla finally passed out for good. There is absolutely no question that babies have some kind of mandatory activity radar. When you have somewhere you absolutely have to be, that is the one time that they will either take a longer nap, actually be ready for bed on time, or will decide actually they want to finish that whole bowl of cereal from which they normally only take a few bites. Oh, or that will be when they decide to take a monsterous poop that comes up and out the back of the diaper, covering them, their clothes and, oftentimes, an unprepared mama, just as you're on your way out the door. Babies are tricksy. They knows.
So now it is 2pm and Kayla is down for her second nap of the day. Thankfully, the jackhammering appears to have stopped momentarily and I'm just hoping they decide to extend their break through naptime. It only took 5 minutes to get Kayla down for this afternoon's nap, so I think she's exhausted. Just gotta hope that she manages to get in two hours or so now so that tonight is equally pleasant.
Keep those fingers crossed. It appears it may be working!
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
A Pause Before the Festivities
So, my original intention was that my next blog post should be a happy-go-lucky recounting of this past weekend's Halloween festivities (which were, in fact, a blast), but before I do that, I first have to explain what's been happening since Halloween because, to be honest, it is sort of all consuming.
Starting about five nights ago, Kayla randomly started waking up in the middle of the night. The first night it was 3am, then Friday it was 2am, Saturday 4am, Sunday 1am...and she would scream. Just scream. She would wake up fussing and if you didn't go and get her right away, screaming ensued. (Poor Suzanne, Tim and Davin, who were staying with us this weekend and had to suffer through it!) And so, Chris and I finally decided last night that it was time to lay down the law. I think we were ill-prepared in some ways, because Kayla has always been such a good sleeper. Since the very beginning, she went down so easily that we never really faced a struggle or had to learn how to deal with one. Additionally, we've been so disciplined about making her sleep in her crib, putting her down while she's awake, etc., that I just never expected to have to start sleep training at almost 7 months. Of course, that's babies...always changing it up when you least expect it.
So, last night was our first official night of sleep training. After having gotten no sleep for four nights and having dealt with a fussy Kayla all day each day, I was a wreck by last night and so Chris offered to take first shift while I tried to get some sleep. It should be noted that trying to sleep through the baby screaming when you're in a two bedroom apartment...pretty much impossible. I had in earplugs and, at one point, had piled two pillows over my head, and I could STILL hear her. Alas.
Night One: Kayla woke at 3am and started to fuss. Within five minutes she was full-on screaming and so, Chris went over and started trying to comfort her. From there, they started a cycle: comfort, leave, scream, repeat, which went on for an hour and a half. Chris was going in every 10 minutes, shushing her, whispering comforting words to her, patting her...and she would start to calm down and then "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!" It was horrible. I came out around 330am and, God bless my husband, he just looked at me, smiled and said "Well, this is fun." Kayla screamed on and off until about 430am when she FINALLY passed out. She then slept until 700am. At 700am I heard her start to squawk, but I didn't go in to get her until 800am. Part of the sleep training theory is that they need to physically be in their beds for 12 hours and that means that if they wake up an hour early, you are supposed to let them talk and squawk and play until that hour is up. And so I did.
Today has been a trial. The poor nanny came today and so is taking the brunt of Kayla's less than stellar mood. We put Kayla down for her nap at 1000am, as normal. She went to sleep easily, but was up within 30 minutes. Considering her morning nap usually lasts more like two hours, this was not bueno. She has then proceeded to fuss and be unhappy pretty much non-stop. I'm really hoping she goes down for a decent nap this afternoon or who knows what we'll be dealing with tonight!
On a side note...my worries about the babysitter running off with Kayla, probably for naught now. Lord knows I wouldn't steal her right now. The screaming is a fabulous child napper deterrent. See? There is always a silver lining.
Anyhow, so tonight is my night on Sleep Training Duty. I am 100% dreading it, but keep trying to remind myself that the books promise it should kick in within a week (I'm trying to ignore all the friends who have told me how much longer it took it to work for them). Please keep your fingers crossed for all three of us! I fear we're in for a bumpy ride.
Starting about five nights ago, Kayla randomly started waking up in the middle of the night. The first night it was 3am, then Friday it was 2am, Saturday 4am, Sunday 1am...and she would scream. Just scream. She would wake up fussing and if you didn't go and get her right away, screaming ensued. (Poor Suzanne, Tim and Davin, who were staying with us this weekend and had to suffer through it!) And so, Chris and I finally decided last night that it was time to lay down the law. I think we were ill-prepared in some ways, because Kayla has always been such a good sleeper. Since the very beginning, she went down so easily that we never really faced a struggle or had to learn how to deal with one. Additionally, we've been so disciplined about making her sleep in her crib, putting her down while she's awake, etc., that I just never expected to have to start sleep training at almost 7 months. Of course, that's babies...always changing it up when you least expect it.
So, last night was our first official night of sleep training. After having gotten no sleep for four nights and having dealt with a fussy Kayla all day each day, I was a wreck by last night and so Chris offered to take first shift while I tried to get some sleep. It should be noted that trying to sleep through the baby screaming when you're in a two bedroom apartment...pretty much impossible. I had in earplugs and, at one point, had piled two pillows over my head, and I could STILL hear her. Alas.
Night One: Kayla woke at 3am and started to fuss. Within five minutes she was full-on screaming and so, Chris went over and started trying to comfort her. From there, they started a cycle: comfort, leave, scream, repeat, which went on for an hour and a half. Chris was going in every 10 minutes, shushing her, whispering comforting words to her, patting her...and she would start to calm down and then "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!" It was horrible. I came out around 330am and, God bless my husband, he just looked at me, smiled and said "Well, this is fun." Kayla screamed on and off until about 430am when she FINALLY passed out. She then slept until 700am. At 700am I heard her start to squawk, but I didn't go in to get her until 800am. Part of the sleep training theory is that they need to physically be in their beds for 12 hours and that means that if they wake up an hour early, you are supposed to let them talk and squawk and play until that hour is up. And so I did.
Today has been a trial. The poor nanny came today and so is taking the brunt of Kayla's less than stellar mood. We put Kayla down for her nap at 1000am, as normal. She went to sleep easily, but was up within 30 minutes. Considering her morning nap usually lasts more like two hours, this was not bueno. She has then proceeded to fuss and be unhappy pretty much non-stop. I'm really hoping she goes down for a decent nap this afternoon or who knows what we'll be dealing with tonight!
On a side note...my worries about the babysitter running off with Kayla, probably for naught now. Lord knows I wouldn't steal her right now. The screaming is a fabulous child napper deterrent. See? There is always a silver lining.
Anyhow, so tonight is my night on Sleep Training Duty. I am 100% dreading it, but keep trying to remind myself that the books promise it should kick in within a week (I'm trying to ignore all the friends who have told me how much longer it took it to work for them). Please keep your fingers crossed for all three of us! I fear we're in for a bumpy ride.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Bogs and Benches and RainBows Galore
I will start by saying that I love Kayla. I love her little self so much, truly I do.
And now that that is out of the way...
I also LOVED Ireland. LOVED. Chris and I had the most amazing time and yes, I will say it, we had a BLAST being on our own sans baby for a week. I am sorry, but it is true. Here's the thing about being parents, you have a million wonderful moments that make your heart want to explode for the very happiness of them, but you also have a lot of times where you think, "My God...life used to be so simple..." (primarily when you are halfway through a six hour car ride and your infant has HAD IT and is screaming bloody murder in the backseat while you belt out, for the millionth time, a happy-happy-HAPPY rendition of Itsy Bitsy Spider). And so, having a week where we could just drive, talk, explore and relax without having to take care of baby...kind of sweet. We missed her, of course. Calling home was tough...I could hear her little voice in the background and it was hard not to get choked up and wish she was there where I could cuddle her and kiss her little cheeks. There were also a couple times when we saw mammas and their babies out and about and my heart did a little squeeze-ache-release dance, but for the most part, Chris and I honestly had a really good time catching back up with one another. after six months of spending an awful lot of our time focused on one tiny little person and not on ourselves/eachother.
And now we're home and seeing Kayla's little face light up when we walked through the door...priceless. Smelling her and holding her and kissing her and marveling at how much she's grown in just one week...wonderful. Vacation time with your spouse - amazing. Coming home to baby - priceless.
And so, Ireland...
Things you should know about Ireland:
1. Ireland has the magical weather formula for non-stop rainbows. I saw more rainbows in that one week than I had probably seen in the past ten years of my life combined. We saw single rainbows, double rainbows, rainbows that stretched across the entire sky. Rainbows, rainbows, rainbows...and more rainbows. Magic.
2. Benches. I have fallen in love with Irish benches. This sounds ridiculous (or mildly concerning, if you're Chris and mistake my saying "benches" for me saying I love a different "B-ches" word...). Everytime we would turn a corner, round a bend, climb a hill or otherwise suddenly come upon a beautiful site though, I would say "Oh my God this is gorgeous" and there, in front of us, would appear a bench, *POOF*, just as if some Irish leprechaun had heard me and agreed, "Aye, tis a beautiful site" and magicked up a place from whence to enjoy it. Brilliant. And I'm not just talking benches at tourist sites, I'm talking benches in the middle of pastures, in the middle of bogs, in the middle of nowhere. Love.
3. Color. Ireland may be called the Emerald Isle, but it has so many colors other than green. It is covered in red ferns and golden flowers and blue lakes and deep brown mud. It is a rainbow in and of itself. You cannot believe your eyes. It is truly one of the most beautiful countries I've ever been too. And being there in the fall...bonus. The leaves were changing and standing beneath their canopies was like looking up through a stained glass ceiling. It is one big tapestry of color, brighter than seems believable and more beautiful than seems fair.
4. Pubs. Ireland has pubs, lots and lots of pubs. Even in a town with one stop sign, there are roughly 10 pubs. In a place where the people are outnumbered by the sheep, the sheep are outnumbered only by the pubs and truly, you can't go a mile without running into a Tommy O'Flaherty's, Aunty Lena's, Michael O'Collins, or Shannon Dooley's. And that's an important point too. All the pubs...named after their owners. Oh sure, there are a couple Black Swans, but overall, the vast majority have their ownership expressed in their names. And on Sunday, when the rest of Ireland shuts down to go to Mass, you know what doesn't shut down? The pubs. That's right. Apparently, the Lord may not approve of you buying shoes on Sunday, but he's alright with you downing a few pints in his name. Score one for Irish Catholics.
5. People. The people in Ireland are so genuine and so open. They come across as really being of the earth: salt of the earth, down to earth...They welcome you in, even when you're the random American walking into their definitely all locals pub. They will talk your ear off, even if you are only picking up every fifth word. In attempting to buy a necklace, I wound up spending 30 minutes locked into hilarious conversation with a local metal worker. He talked and talked and talked and laughed and laughed and laughed and I just laughed right along with him, even though I couldn't understand a THING he was saying other than maybe that he has a sister who now teaches Hawaiian massage in Sydney, Australia...maybe??
No, I don't have pictures of Irish people. Come on...that would just have been wrong. "You are so friendly...can I document that for posterity?" Please, people.
But yes, Ireland...Ireland is amazing and if you haven't been, you should really go. You should go and you should take at least a week and you should stay on the west coast and you should go from B&B to B&B and you should hike and drive and eat to your heart's content. Well, maybe not eat...the Irish are big into fried meats and cheese. Fried sausage for breakfast, potatoes and steak for lunch, fried cheese and potatoes for dinner...so maybe keep the eating to a minimum. After all, while our memories make our lives, we don't want your memory of Ireland to take your life via clogged arteries. Not a sermon, just a thought.
And now that that is out of the way...
I also LOVED Ireland. LOVED. Chris and I had the most amazing time and yes, I will say it, we had a BLAST being on our own sans baby for a week. I am sorry, but it is true. Here's the thing about being parents, you have a million wonderful moments that make your heart want to explode for the very happiness of them, but you also have a lot of times where you think, "My God...life used to be so simple..." (primarily when you are halfway through a six hour car ride and your infant has HAD IT and is screaming bloody murder in the backseat while you belt out, for the millionth time, a happy-happy-HAPPY rendition of Itsy Bitsy Spider). And so, having a week where we could just drive, talk, explore and relax without having to take care of baby...kind of sweet. We missed her, of course. Calling home was tough...I could hear her little voice in the background and it was hard not to get choked up and wish she was there where I could cuddle her and kiss her little cheeks. There were also a couple times when we saw mammas and their babies out and about and my heart did a little squeeze-ache-release dance, but for the most part, Chris and I honestly had a really good time catching back up with one another. after six months of spending an awful lot of our time focused on one tiny little person and not on ourselves/eachother.
And now we're home and seeing Kayla's little face light up when we walked through the door...priceless. Smelling her and holding her and kissing her and marveling at how much she's grown in just one week...wonderful. Vacation time with your spouse - amazing. Coming home to baby - priceless.
And so, Ireland...
Things you should know about Ireland:
1. Ireland has the magical weather formula for non-stop rainbows. I saw more rainbows in that one week than I had probably seen in the past ten years of my life combined. We saw single rainbows, double rainbows, rainbows that stretched across the entire sky. Rainbows, rainbows, rainbows...and more rainbows. Magic.
2. Benches. I have fallen in love with Irish benches. This sounds ridiculous (or mildly concerning, if you're Chris and mistake my saying "benches" for me saying I love a different "B-ches" word...). Everytime we would turn a corner, round a bend, climb a hill or otherwise suddenly come upon a beautiful site though, I would say "Oh my God this is gorgeous" and there, in front of us, would appear a bench, *POOF*, just as if some Irish leprechaun had heard me and agreed, "Aye, tis a beautiful site" and magicked up a place from whence to enjoy it. Brilliant. And I'm not just talking benches at tourist sites, I'm talking benches in the middle of pastures, in the middle of bogs, in the middle of nowhere. Love.
3. Color. Ireland may be called the Emerald Isle, but it has so many colors other than green. It is covered in red ferns and golden flowers and blue lakes and deep brown mud. It is a rainbow in and of itself. You cannot believe your eyes. It is truly one of the most beautiful countries I've ever been too. And being there in the fall...bonus. The leaves were changing and standing beneath their canopies was like looking up through a stained glass ceiling. It is one big tapestry of color, brighter than seems believable and more beautiful than seems fair.
4. Pubs. Ireland has pubs, lots and lots of pubs. Even in a town with one stop sign, there are roughly 10 pubs. In a place where the people are outnumbered by the sheep, the sheep are outnumbered only by the pubs and truly, you can't go a mile without running into a Tommy O'Flaherty's, Aunty Lena's, Michael O'Collins, or Shannon Dooley's. And that's an important point too. All the pubs...named after their owners. Oh sure, there are a couple Black Swans, but overall, the vast majority have their ownership expressed in their names. And on Sunday, when the rest of Ireland shuts down to go to Mass, you know what doesn't shut down? The pubs. That's right. Apparently, the Lord may not approve of you buying shoes on Sunday, but he's alright with you downing a few pints in his name. Score one for Irish Catholics.
5. People. The people in Ireland are so genuine and so open. They come across as really being of the earth: salt of the earth, down to earth...They welcome you in, even when you're the random American walking into their definitely all locals pub. They will talk your ear off, even if you are only picking up every fifth word. In attempting to buy a necklace, I wound up spending 30 minutes locked into hilarious conversation with a local metal worker. He talked and talked and talked and laughed and laughed and laughed and I just laughed right along with him, even though I couldn't understand a THING he was saying other than maybe that he has a sister who now teaches Hawaiian massage in Sydney, Australia...maybe??
No, I don't have pictures of Irish people. Come on...that would just have been wrong. "You are so friendly...can I document that for posterity?" Please, people.
But yes, Ireland...Ireland is amazing and if you haven't been, you should really go. You should go and you should take at least a week and you should stay on the west coast and you should go from B&B to B&B and you should hike and drive and eat to your heart's content. Well, maybe not eat...the Irish are big into fried meats and cheese. Fried sausage for breakfast, potatoes and steak for lunch, fried cheese and potatoes for dinner...so maybe keep the eating to a minimum. After all, while our memories make our lives, we don't want your memory of Ireland to take your life via clogged arteries. Not a sermon, just a thought.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Dear Sir
Dear Sir -
While I sympathize with the fact that you might not want to listen to Jingly Roar the chiming lion toy jingle jangle his way to DC in your Amtrak car, I do wish to point out that your choices are as follows: 1. Endure Jingly Roar's cheerful tune or 2. Endure my overtired child's ear piercing screams. While I agree that it would be convenient for her to merely entertain herself by quietly reading a novel, I would point out that my infant is, in fact, only six months old and Moby Dick is still just a little beyond her abilities. I, myself, could read to her, but would you really rather here me hyper-enthusiastically recite Squishy Turtle and Friends ("Beware the crab, I think he knows, just how to pinch your tiny toes!") than listen to the jingles? Or perhaps you would prefer I launch into a run-on rendition of The Wheels on the Bus. Again, these are your choices; these things or "WAAaAAaaH!!!!!!!!!"
I, most happily, leave the choice to you.
Sincerely,
Erin "Travel Mama" Duck
While I sympathize with the fact that you might not want to listen to Jingly Roar the chiming lion toy jingle jangle his way to DC in your Amtrak car, I do wish to point out that your choices are as follows: 1. Endure Jingly Roar's cheerful tune or 2. Endure my overtired child's ear piercing screams. While I agree that it would be convenient for her to merely entertain herself by quietly reading a novel, I would point out that my infant is, in fact, only six months old and Moby Dick is still just a little beyond her abilities. I, myself, could read to her, but would you really rather here me hyper-enthusiastically recite Squishy Turtle and Friends ("Beware the crab, I think he knows, just how to pinch your tiny toes!") than listen to the jingles? Or perhaps you would prefer I launch into a run-on rendition of The Wheels on the Bus. Again, these are your choices; these things or "WAAaAAaaH!!!!!!!!!"
I, most happily, leave the choice to you.
Sincerely,
Erin "Travel Mama" Duck
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
The Scent of Burning Bills
Okay, I know it's not fair. I knew, before I ever hired a nanny, that Kayla takes naps and therefore there are times during the day when whomever is watching her is free from any caretaker duties. I knew that. And yet, whenever The Nanny is here and Kayla takes a 2-hour nap, the smell of dollars-a-fire fills my nostrils and I can't help but wonder, "What the hell am I paying this woman for?" Which is totally unfair, because, as I said, clearly I knew that part of a nanny's time here would be spent in chilling while Kayla naps. Plus, The Nanny is a very sweet woman who is seemingly great with Kayla when she is awake and I'm not trying to discount her caretaker skills or worth. But honestly...Kayla has been asleep for almost two full hours now. The Nanny is only here for 8 total. Kayla also took an almost 1-hour nap earlier this morning. That is three napping hours total today, which means that nearly half, HALF, The Nanny's day has been spent writing letters, talking on the phone and making lunch while Kayla slumbers. Burning...embers...of dollars hard-earned...and then The Nanny comes in and offers to make me tea and I feel terrible having just been questioning her monetary value. And every time I'm tempted to call it a day and say, "You know what, I don't know if this is working...", I think of something else I can do because she is here (hours of completely uninterrupted work, longer run, doctor's appointment, yoga class...) and I remind myself that if I get rid of her, that is it; there is no going back. And so, she remains. And she is lovely. But, goldarnit, this might be one of the bonuses to daycare - blissful ignorance of the amount of hours a day that you are paying someone to essentially do nothing.
Sigh....
Sigh....
Friday, October 1, 2010
Dear Lord,
Back when I was pregnant, you and I had numerous discussions about pregnancy and ways in which, perhaps, the process could be improved upon. Up until now, I hadn't really felt experienced enough to continue that dialogue with a new focus on motherhood and infant growth; however, with nearly six months under my belt now, I'm feeling more and more qualified every day and so, I would like to reinitiate our conversation, starting with these few points:
1. Teething. Was it really necessary to make the teething process such that those sharp little bits of bone have to force their way up and through the sensitive skin of baby's gums in order to come into existence? Really? I have to tell you that it seems somewhat barbaric, a strange form of torture, to have teeth come into being in that manner. Is this some sort of right of passage for babies? Something akin to the natives who throw themselves off cliffs, slamming their heads into the dirt, only to be deemed "men"? Have you seen X-Men Origins: Wolverine? You know the way he reacts after they've inserted the adamantium into his body and his claws shoot through for the first time? Seriously...there has to be a better way. (and yes, that's right, I said adamantium. nerrrrd.)
2. Nails. Why must babies be born with nails? As far as I can tell, the only function they serve is to scratch both baby and mommy as little uncontrolled baby limbs fly to and fro in the first couple months. (And for those of you who are going to throw out an evolutionary explanation, come on...do you seriously think that at any point in time, a baby was able to fend off a dangerous foe with its nails? I am willing to put lots of money on the fact that baby nails back in caveman times, highly ineffective against velociraptors.)Why couldn't nails develop later? Way later. Like once baby is 13 and can trim them herself. Of course, maybe giving baby sharp claws at the same time as she hits puberty isn't a brilliant idea...but there's got to be a better way than giving them to her when she has no control over her appendages and when those little sharp dagger claws are small enough that, in trying to trim them, a well-meaning mother might (just hypothetically of course) cut the little finger they're protruding from, causing baby and mommy to cry together in fear and shame.
3. Lack of Ability to Store Up Sleep. Much like the camel stores water so that it can traverse the long dry desert, would it not make sense to allow expectant mothers to store up sleep so that they can traverse the long sleepless nights that are baby's first few months? The bonding, the sharing, the getting to know one another...I'm just thinking that it might all go a little more smoothly were mom not running on about 2 hours of sleep. Mom might be able to actually see baby's face rather than just an adorable blur and baby might find itself out and about with two non-matching socks, pants on its head and a hat over its bum far less often.
4. Inability to Blow Nose. Babies are born with lots of instincts. If they sense they are about to fall, they'll flail and grab for something to hold onto. If they eat too much, they spit-up to keep from being overly full. They are born knowing how to cry in order to get their needs taken care of. It seems only fair that they also be born with the instinctual ability to clear their airways. When baby gets a cold and has a nose stuffed full of cement-like snot, it impedes baby's ability to sleep and eat - the two most important tasks it has at this age. Does it not, therefore, make sense to give baby the ability to blow its nose from birth? I know you tried to make up for this oversight by giving some brilliant Swede the idea to invent The Nose Frida, but perhaps just letting baby push that stuff out on her own would be more effective. I mean, not that I don't enjoy a good Frida session, but between me fighting my gag reflex and Kayla screaming because, let's be honest, she probably feels like we're trying to suck her brain out through a nostril, I'm just thinking that her calmly blowing into a tissue might be a little more pleasant for everyone.
That's all for now, Lord. I'll be awaiting your reply. If you agree that some of these things could be amended, perhaps we could knock that out before Baby #2? No pressure, but hey, much like all those people who claim that "Windows 7 was my idea!", I'd like to get a little result for my thinking-effort. Cheers.
1. Teething. Was it really necessary to make the teething process such that those sharp little bits of bone have to force their way up and through the sensitive skin of baby's gums in order to come into existence? Really? I have to tell you that it seems somewhat barbaric, a strange form of torture, to have teeth come into being in that manner. Is this some sort of right of passage for babies? Something akin to the natives who throw themselves off cliffs, slamming their heads into the dirt, only to be deemed "men"? Have you seen X-Men Origins: Wolverine? You know the way he reacts after they've inserted the adamantium into his body and his claws shoot through for the first time? Seriously...there has to be a better way. (and yes, that's right, I said adamantium. nerrrrd.)
2. Nails. Why must babies be born with nails? As far as I can tell, the only function they serve is to scratch both baby and mommy as little uncontrolled baby limbs fly to and fro in the first couple months. (And for those of you who are going to throw out an evolutionary explanation, come on...do you seriously think that at any point in time, a baby was able to fend off a dangerous foe with its nails? I am willing to put lots of money on the fact that baby nails back in caveman times, highly ineffective against velociraptors.)Why couldn't nails develop later? Way later. Like once baby is 13 and can trim them herself. Of course, maybe giving baby sharp claws at the same time as she hits puberty isn't a brilliant idea...but there's got to be a better way than giving them to her when she has no control over her appendages and when those little sharp dagger claws are small enough that, in trying to trim them, a well-meaning mother might (just hypothetically of course) cut the little finger they're protruding from, causing baby and mommy to cry together in fear and shame.
3. Lack of Ability to Store Up Sleep. Much like the camel stores water so that it can traverse the long dry desert, would it not make sense to allow expectant mothers to store up sleep so that they can traverse the long sleepless nights that are baby's first few months? The bonding, the sharing, the getting to know one another...I'm just thinking that it might all go a little more smoothly were mom not running on about 2 hours of sleep. Mom might be able to actually see baby's face rather than just an adorable blur and baby might find itself out and about with two non-matching socks, pants on its head and a hat over its bum far less often.
4. Inability to Blow Nose. Babies are born with lots of instincts. If they sense they are about to fall, they'll flail and grab for something to hold onto. If they eat too much, they spit-up to keep from being overly full. They are born knowing how to cry in order to get their needs taken care of. It seems only fair that they also be born with the instinctual ability to clear their airways. When baby gets a cold and has a nose stuffed full of cement-like snot, it impedes baby's ability to sleep and eat - the two most important tasks it has at this age. Does it not, therefore, make sense to give baby the ability to blow its nose from birth? I know you tried to make up for this oversight by giving some brilliant Swede the idea to invent The Nose Frida, but perhaps just letting baby push that stuff out on her own would be more effective. I mean, not that I don't enjoy a good Frida session, but between me fighting my gag reflex and Kayla screaming because, let's be honest, she probably feels like we're trying to suck her brain out through a nostril, I'm just thinking that her calmly blowing into a tissue might be a little more pleasant for everyone.
That's all for now, Lord. I'll be awaiting your reply. If you agree that some of these things could be amended, perhaps we could knock that out before Baby #2? No pressure, but hey, much like all those people who claim that "Windows 7 was my idea!", I'd like to get a little result for my thinking-effort. Cheers.
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