Well, it's official. We are out of babies at the top of the screen, so I guess that means that Orange Seed really will make an appearance soon. I have to admit that I can't wait. While the first 8 months seemed to fly by, these last 5 weeks are dra-a-aging. When I think back on my first and second trimesters, the refrain "You don't know what you got til it's gone" pops into my head. Logically, I realize that the next 4.5 weeks will fly by, but when I sit here with an aching back and bruised and battered ribs, it certainly doesn't feel like time is doing anything but meandering slowly along, occasionally stopping to smell the flowers. Listen time, I know it is finally starting to feel like spring out there, but enough with the lallygagging, got it??
"Wait...bruised and battered ribs?" you ask. Why, yes. In the past couple weeks, Orange Seed has taken up the highly unnerving pastime of kicking and kneading and generally just beating on my ribs. On the one hand, it seems she is still head down (yay!) because I'm pretty sure that the culprits in this case are her feet. On the other hand, can we just talk about how much it hurts to have someone kicking you in the ribcage from the inside? (As an aside, I'm sure it doesn't feel good from the outside either, for those of you have had it happen and are about to interrupt, but somehow having it happen from within your own body is so much more disturbing. If you've seen Alien or if you've read the Twilight series, just picture the scenes of those little stomach born monsters trying to get out. Mmhmm. Just like that. At least if the beater is on the outside you have a chance to escape. There is no escaping Chuck Norris in your uterus!) On Monday, Orange Seed was exceptionally active and I swear she kicked and rubbed and battered my ribs non-stop for about 13 hours straight. This was not only exceedingly painful while it was happening, but the next day I felt like I was waking up after having gone round for round with Muhammad Ali the night before. My poor ribs are so sore that it hurts to sit, let alone move. There is also apparently a sweet spot in there that when she kicks it, it not only aches, but it sends a searing pain all through my upper body. What is that?? And do I need it, because I'm pretty sure she is trying to put it out of commission?! And why, oh why, did the person who planned this whole pregnancy thing out not find a way to keep baby BELOW the ribcage? For all the times that I wondered if God might be a woman, being pregnant has 100% solidified the fact that nope, no female planning here. No woman would let the baby come up into your ribcage because she would realize that on top of all the other "special" things you experience during pregnancy, experiencing this as well is just not fair. Additionally, a woman would not have included bad skin in the pregnancy equation because, well, come on...honestly. Ooh, nor would a woman have allowed for the period-like bleeding that I am apparently going to have for days to weeks after the birth. Sorry if that is TMI, but these are the things you start to learn as you get closer and closer to D-Day and these are the things that make you go "hmm...".
Outside of being beaten up by my unborn child (I knew we were in trouble when her last ultrasound pic showed her flexing!), I have been busy trying to knock out the last few things we need to get done before the birth. This week we've been visiting pediatricians, which is enlightening and totally confusing all at the same time. We've also been working on things like making sure our insurance is good to go, getting Chris a new/working cell phone so that when I go into labor I am not scrambling to get ahold of him, taking some trips to the Salvation Army to make a little more space in here, and just generally getting organized and prepared.
I've also been trying to keep up the workout routine, though I have to admit that it is getting a little more burdensome these days. Swimming is still a great workout and relief, but jogging is definitely out now. I kind of saw it coming, but the last two times I've tried to switch from a brisk walk to a jog, I've gotten a horrible cramp in my lower right side that takes minutes to go away, so after getting the cramp for the third time today, I think it is officially time to admit jogging defeat. This is especially hard now that the weather is so nice. Yes, I can still go for long walks, in fact, Orange Seed and I took a nice 4 mile walk this morning, but it is still torturous to see everyone else flying by, their legs pumping, sweat pouring off of them. I hate not being able to pick up the pace. But if I can't run/jog for just the last 4 weeks of pregnancy, I guess that is really nothing to cry about. Lord knows it could be far worse. Getting to do a lot more yoga lately has helped fill the void. Since I've finally been home for some solid weeks/weekends, I'm finally managing to make it back out to yoga and pilates. It's so funny to now be the Senior person in those classes. Last week in pilates, all the 20 week pregnant women were complaining about "popping" and how "huge" they are and how much they "ache" and I just wanted to say "Oh, ladies...if you only KNEW what you are in for. You can't feel that bad now! You are barely pregnant!" That's right. I am that woman now. Now I know why all the 35 week pregnant people just looked at me like "Oh please, you are SO not pregnant" when I was in there at 12 weeks. They were right. I was SO not pregnant. NOW I am pregnant. You have to earn your pregnancy badge. Only bruised ribs and an aching back will really get you into the club. Until your child is beating you up from the inside and you can't sit in one position for more than 5 minutes, I don't want to hear it.
Okay, kidding, kidding...everyone is different and everyone has a different reaction to pregnancy. Pregnant friends, do not be afraid to call and complain. I will totally sympathize, even if you are only at 12 weeks. Of course, I may also have to pause mid-call to groan in pain and push my baby's legs out of my ribs...just sayin'.
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