When "Huge" Becomes "Tiny"

I tell this story because apparently there are people out there who can not navigate the murky waters of socially acceptable on their own and who, therefore, desperately need blog entries like this to save them from themselves.

Yesterday in Pilates, a girl was telling me about an experience she had at work that left her sobbing in her car in the parking lot. Now, let it be said that this girl is, in fact, seven months pregnant, so it is possible that hormones played a role in her reaction, but still...She was walking down the hall when a fellow teacher accosted her.
Evil Teacher: "How far along are you now?"
Angelic Pregnant Teacher: "7 months"
Evil Teacher: "7 months? Is that all? You're HUGE."
APT: *blink blink*
Evil Teacher: "You must be having twins."
APT: "Nope. Just one. We just had another ultrasound."
Evil Teacher: "But it must be twins...otherwise there is no reason for you to be so gigantic. Have you asked your doctor if everything is okay?"
APT: "Everything is fine, thanks."
Evil Teacher: "Well, wow...I can only imagine what you will look like at 9 months!"

Now listen...and if you are someone who has ever told a pregnant woman she is huge, then listen EXTRA CAREFULLY. There is a small window when it is okay to comment on a pregnant woman's stomach, exclaiming that it is large/growing/etc. That window comes in the few months (for first timers, usually months 3-5 or so) when the pregnant lady in question isn't actually showing yet and is anxiously (and naively) awaiting the day when she will finally have a baby bump to proudly display. At this point, it is okay to comment on the "bigness" of the belly because, let's be honest, it's not really there and the pregnant woman desperately wants you to notice her barely-there-bump. Of note, I'm guessing that this window narrows significantly during a second or third pregnancy seeing as a) you show sooner and b) you now understand that once the bump arrives, it ain't going anywhere. It will just continue to grow and grow and grow until you are carting around a watermelon and remembering fondly the days when your little one was no more than an Orange Seed and didn't weigh 8lbs nor boot you in the ribs over and over again (not that I'm speaking specifically of me of course...). Anywho, once the window of opportunity closes, do NOT, I repeat NOT, ever tell a pregnant woman she is huge. No woman wants to be huge. Think this through. When not pregnant, most women spend and inordinate amount of time figuring out how to look as not huge as possible. When pregnant, even if you are a glowing and proud pregnant woman, you do not, under any circumstances, want someone to look at you, eyes wide, and exclaim "My God, you are HUGE." There comes a point in your pregnancy where, in fact, you want to hear the exact opposite. You want to hear "You are 8 months pregnant? But you are TINY!" For those of you who have been reading the blog, you should know this. Think about some of my favorite moments. There was the moment the woman in the grocery store asked how far along I was and when I told her, she responded "Oh my God, but you're tiny! That is just disgusting." She has been my BFF ever since. Then there was the moment (2 weeks ago) when the Starbucks Barista, having peered over the counter for the first time, said "You are pregnant? Oh my gosh, I've been seeing your upper half and back for months and had no idea!" He is now BFF #2. There is the pilates instructor who keeps telling me how amazing I look and the Doc who keeps telling me that I am the "picture of pregnant perfection"...these are the people who, in my 9th month of pregnancy, warm my heart. Notice that there is not one person in there who has told me I am "huge", "look like I'm going to pop", or "must be having twins". Are you following? During pregnancy, you are, in fact, huge in the belly and though you are (hopefully) at peace with this, knowing that the bulk at your middle is a cuddly miracle, you still are self-conscious about whether or not you've gotten bigger anywhere else and so, I say unto all of you, if ever you have the urge to tell a pregnant woman she is huge, refrain. Instead, look at her and even if she has gained 70lbs, tell her that she is "glowing". Tell her that she looks "adorable". Tell her something that may, for a moment, take her mind off her aching back and swollen ankles, because I can promise you...she deserves it.