For those of you who were wondering, the answer is yes, yes the blog will continue now that Kayla Cameron (Ah! A name!) has been born. As you might guess, these past few days have been...busy. While there have been a million things to write about, I haven't really found the time to sit down and work on the blog. It's been hard enough trying to keep Kayla's journal (I've been keeping a written journal for her throughout the pregnancy as well), let alone to update this. As you can imagine, most of my free moments have been spent either visiting with family or trying to catch up on the hours of lost sleep which have been accumulating at a pretty rapid pace. I have to admit that I am definitely running a losing race when it comes to catching up on z's, but then, do any new parents not come in dead last in that event?
I know most of you have been able to keep up with us somewhat via Chris' email updates and our photo updates on Facebook. It has been an amazing six days (In one hour my baby will be 6 days old!! I can't believe it!!) and we are beyond ecstatic to be home safe and sound with our new baby girl. For those of you who don't know the birth story, last Wednesday night, April 14th, we made not one, but two trips to the hospital. That entire day I had been feeling...funny. I had a lot of cramping and some...emanations (to avoid too much discussion of bodily functions - sorry audience), but for the most part I had just thought that I was having the "Bloody Show" that usually precedes labor by a day or two. By the time Chris got home from work though, I'd started to see more water-like emanations and some red blood and so, after debating for a little bit, we finally called the doctor who said that my water may have broken and we should head to the hospital to be sure. Off we went to the hospital, bags all packed, hoping (though skeptical) that would be admitted with baby only hours away. After spending an hour or two at the hospital, we were told that nope, my water had not broken and indeed, I was only a "dimple" dilated, so we should head home and wait until I started feeling "100% different than (I did) right now". And so, back in the car we went. By the time we were five minutes out from the hospital, I was starting to have fairly painful contractions. I didn't know if the pain that was shooting all through my back and abdomen was from a true increase in contraction strength or if it was just a result of being subjected to two back-to-back car rides across the New Jersey potholes and, of course, I was hesitant to acknowledge the change at this point, having just been told that there was nothing happening in the baby-producing arena. By the time we got home though, there was no denying it. I was having STRONG contractions and, unlike those I'd experienced in the previous days, these had a clear beginning and ending and when Chris insisted we start timing them, lo and behold, they were only five, then four, then three minutes apart. Despite my hesitation, Chris insisted we turn around and head right back to the hospital and it's a good thing we did. "I had a feeling I might see you back tonight," the admitting nurse told us, and it turned out that I was now 1 centimeter dilated and on the road to birth. We were admitted to the hospital and transferred to a Labor and Delivery Room after what felt like FOREVER, though in reality it was probably only an hour at most. An hour...nothing really considering the fact that it was 13 full hours later that Kayla finally emerged into the world. At the point that we were admitted to the hospital it was 2am. I have to admit that though it is possible to prepare for labor, it is impossible to truly picture what you will experience. The combination of adrenaline highs and lows, exhaustion, pain, focus, excitement, hope...it is such a mixed experience. I felt confident and strong throughout the whole experience, although I was definitely increasingly surprised by how INTENSE the contractions could be. Some of the night is a blur as I drifted in and out of sleep. Sleep...intense focus...sleep...intense focus...From time to time the doctor or nurse would come by to check on me and the baby. Every time they did, it was a relief to hear that progress was being made. Four centimeters...and then, seemingly suddenly, nine centimeters. Nine centimeters! And before I knew it, it was time to push. It was so nice to finally feel like I could contribute to the process rather than just surviving it. I was so happy to finally know that this little baby couldn't be more than a few hours away.
I will spare you the details - those interested, I'm sure we will talk offline - but let's just say that it wasn't until 3.5 hours later that I finally held Kayla in my arms. 3.5 hours is a long time when you are a) working harder than you have EVER worked before, both physically and mentally and b) know that you have something of a deadline approaching; much over three hours an a c-section starts being a very real possibility. I truly think, drugs or not, being in good physical shape and having practiced some relaxation and breathing techniques are KEY in making it through the birth process. Labor, as its name suggests, is hard work. Knowing that you have struggled through and survived tough physical challenges before, knowing that you can withstand and endure...it really helps you believe in yourself as you are going through an experience that can only be described as a test of self. But I don't mean to describe it as something terrible or scary. The reality is that it is the most amazing thing I have ever done. The process itself actually wasn't nearly as hard as I thought it might be and when I held Kayla in my arms...I created her. I brought her into being. I cannot describe the wonder and awe that accompany that knowledge. Those moments afterward, when Chris and I both looked at each other, choked up and fighting back tears...nothing could ever be as amazing. I will forever replay those moments in my head and know that if I am capable of this, I am capable of anything.
There is so much more to say about that weekend and the past six days...our fears over Kayla's minor jaundice, our first nights as new parents, the various lessons learned during out first outings (projectile fluids...you cannot imagine...), our trips to the boo-boo doctors and our hours of fascinated wonder - staring down at this little girl who is now and forever a part of our world. All of those things seem to require their own entries though. The birth itself is just too significant to be mushed into an entry with other events.
At any rate, dear readers, know that this blog will continue to exist. Entries may not come quite as quickly now that I am a mommy rather than an expectant mother, but I will do my best to keep it updated with all the things I am sure to learn, experience, and be stunned by in the coming months/years. Thanks for being patient and for continuing to be interested in Kayla now that she is here in the flesh.
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