Bleeding Ears

If my daughter doesn't stop crying soon, I think my eardrums are going to just up and quit. "Sorry, lady, but this isn't what we signed up for," and off they'll go to live in ears that don't have to listen to this incessant fussing for hours and hours. I've changed her diaper MULTIPLE times. I've fed her. I've rocked her, I've sung to her, I've tried putting her in the bouncer, the swing, and on the playmat. I've tried giving her a pacifier, her thumb, her fist. I've tried playing music and creating total silence. I've tried lights and no lights. I have honest to God tried everything and yet, for some reason, she is just super fussy today. And in between the fussing she stops to smile and grin and be the most adorable thing ever, but then out of nowhere, ten minutes later, the fussiness comes back on and WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. Can Kayla say "bipolar"? Say "bipolar" for mommy.

I'm honestly wondering if taking her to the "playgroup" this afternoon is a good idea. I don't want her scaring off our potential new friends. It just kills me when she does this. The only conclusion I can come to is that she doesn't take solid enough naps during the day and she gets so overtired and overwrought that she can't function anymore. I've been trying desperately to get her to take better naps during the day, but 40 minutes seems to be about the max and that is a longer nap for her. And some days it doesn't seem to bother her, but other days...holy crap. It's like she's discovered that there's this whole world out here and though it wears her out completely, she isn't willing to close her eyes for fear that it won't be there when she wakes up. I love this child more than life itself, but I simply can't listen to her cry non-stop. That cry penetrates a parent's ear like nothing else on this Earth and when she goes full force minutes feel like hours and hours feel like days...and then the stupid book tells me she should be crying less and I think, uh oh. I don't want to misrepresent her. She is a good kid and for the most part she isn't a terrible crier, but the problem is that when she does cry, she goes all out. This is not a kid who does anything halfway. If she is going to cry, then she is going to scream, by God.

Wait...

Silence...

I put her down in her crib about 5 minutes ago, thinking I would just have to let her cry for a few minutes, because I was out of ideas and patience and now...

Silence...

Deep breath...

Mommy needs a beer.