39 Weeks and Change is in the Air

It's April 9 and spring is finally in the air. The trees who can are in bloom and those who can't are springing leaf buds, eagerly preparing for their own grand entrance. Other changes appear to be in the air too, although these are far more mysterious. All day yesterday and all last night, I had cramps and something was...different in the way the baby was moving and positioned. Something was different in the way my entire body felt, actually. It wasn't the most pleasant experience, nausea, cramping, and general unease, but it was sort of nice to at least know that maybe some kind of preparation was going on. Today everything is back to feeling pretty much normal again, so I don't know if yesterday was a spurt of Braxton Hicks or the baby had just managed to squirm her way further south and was pressing on some new nerves...Whatever it was, I have chosen to think of it as a sign of progression because, let's be honest, we are eager for some progression at this point. They are now taking bets at both my yoga and Pilates classes on how many more times they'll see me. Though they have been kind enough to mainly bet they won't see me after Friday of next week, I have watched way too many women come walking in two, three, four days after their due dates to have much hope. But, then, there is always some hope isn't there? So maybe I do still have some little part of me that thinks Mme Orange Seed might decide to show up early. Ah, how it doth spring eternal.

But while I wait for something big to happen, I am mainly trying to distract myself: Yoga and Pilates as often as possible; swimming; time in the park; I've read three books in the past two weeks (The Girl Who Played With Fire, Naked, and The Must Asylum); potentially excessive checking of e-mail and Facebook; last chance appointments (nails, hair, massage); and, today, I rented seven movies. That's right, seven. I have five days to watch them. I realize this makes the chance of my getting through them all pretty unlikely, but a) for once there were multiple movies at Blockbuster that I actually wanted to see (so this is the bonus to seeing no movies in the past 6 months or so) and b) the sun went into hiding today, so my plans to lie in the park were foiled and after only getting about four hours of sleep the other night due to discomfort and a bizarre case of wakefulness, I was exhausted and so only wanted to make like a vegetable today. In case you are wondering, I've only gotten through one so far: An Education. Not bad. Not great. I plan to move onto either "The Hurt Locker", "Zombieland", or "Where the Wild Things Are" next. See? I'm not kidding. I rented so many movies that the Blockbuster dude asked me if I was sure. "You have seven movies here," he said. "Right...". "You know you only have them for five days, right?" "Yes. I may not make it through them, I know..." (seriously, dude, why must you point out to everyone else in the store that I am planning a lazy movie marathon?). "Well, okay then...if you're sure..." Oi. Let a pregnant woman be, would ya? Now the guilt is going to drive me to spend every hour of the weekend outside and away from the television and that $30 of movies will go to waste and I will actually feel proud when I go back to the store and say "yeah, sheesh, I didn't even make it through two. Just soooo busy...alas." Darn this man. Does he not now I have major difficulty agreeing to just relax and be lazy. Don't challenge me when I'm about to give into the urge! This might have been the one time I let myself get some rest all month. Way to kill it, Blockbuster Dude.

Ah, well...let's hope maybe the movies work some voodoo magic and make Orange Seed come early. I keep hoping the same thing will happen when I sign up for a class or make any kind of appointment. Surely if I make plans past today, she will then show up early. Murphy's Law, right? Waiting...waiting...

Chuck Norris Lives in My Uterus

Well, it's official. We are out of babies at the top of the screen, so I guess that means that Orange Seed really will make an appearance soon. I have to admit that I can't wait. While the first 8 months seemed to fly by, these last 5 weeks are dra-a-aging. When I think back on my first and second trimesters, the refrain "You don't know what you got til it's gone" pops into my head. Logically, I realize that the next 4.5 weeks will fly by, but when I sit here with an aching back and bruised and battered ribs, it certainly doesn't feel like time is doing anything but meandering slowly along, occasionally stopping to smell the flowers. Listen time, I know it is finally starting to feel like spring out there, but enough with the lallygagging, got it??

"Wait...bruised and battered ribs?" you ask. Why, yes. In the past couple weeks, Orange Seed has taken up the highly unnerving pastime of kicking and kneading and generally just beating on my ribs. On the one hand, it seems she is still head down (yay!) because I'm pretty sure that the culprits in this case are her feet. On the other hand, can we just talk about how much it hurts to have someone kicking you in the ribcage from the inside? (As an aside, I'm sure it doesn't feel good from the outside either, for those of you have had it happen and are about to interrupt, but somehow having it happen from within your own body is so much more disturbing. If you've seen Alien or if you've read the Twilight series, just picture the scenes of those little stomach born monsters trying to get out. Mmhmm. Just like that. At least if the beater is on the outside you have a chance to escape. There is no escaping Chuck Norris in your uterus!) On Monday, Orange Seed was exceptionally active and I swear she kicked and rubbed and battered my ribs non-stop for about 13 hours straight. This was not only exceedingly painful while it was happening, but the next day I felt like I was waking up after having gone round for round with Muhammad Ali the night before. My poor ribs are so sore that it hurts to sit, let alone move. There is also apparently a sweet spot in there that when she kicks it, it not only aches, but it sends a searing pain all through my upper body. What is that?? And do I need it, because I'm pretty sure she is trying to put it out of commission?! And why, oh why, did the person who planned this whole pregnancy thing out not find a way to keep baby BELOW the ribcage? For all the times that I wondered if God might be a woman, being pregnant has 100% solidified the fact that nope, no female planning here. No woman would let the baby come up into your ribcage because she would realize that on top of all the other "special" things you experience during pregnancy, experiencing this as well is just not fair. Additionally, a woman would not have included bad skin in the pregnancy equation because, well, come on...honestly. Ooh, nor would a woman have allowed for the period-like bleeding that I am apparently going to have for days to weeks after the birth. Sorry if that is TMI, but these are the things you start to learn as you get closer and closer to D-Day and these are the things that make you go "hmm...".

Outside of being beaten up by my unborn child (I knew we were in trouble when her last ultrasound pic showed her flexing!), I have been busy trying to knock out the last few things we need to get done before the birth. This week we've been visiting pediatricians, which is enlightening and totally confusing all at the same time. We've also been working on things like making sure our insurance is good to go, getting Chris a new/working cell phone so that when I go into labor I am not scrambling to get ahold of him, taking some trips to the Salvation Army to make a little more space in here, and just generally getting organized and prepared.

I've also been trying to keep up the workout routine, though I have to admit that it is getting a little more burdensome these days. Swimming is still a great workout and relief, but jogging is definitely out now. I kind of saw it coming, but the last two times I've tried to switch from a brisk walk to a jog, I've gotten a horrible cramp in my lower right side that takes minutes to go away, so after getting the cramp for the third time today, I think it is officially time to admit jogging defeat. This is especially hard now that the weather is so nice. Yes, I can still go for long walks, in fact, Orange Seed and I took a nice 4 mile walk this morning, but it is still torturous to see everyone else flying by, their legs pumping, sweat pouring off of them. I hate not being able to pick up the pace. But if I can't run/jog for just the last 4 weeks of pregnancy, I guess that is really nothing to cry about. Lord knows it could be far worse. Getting to do a lot more yoga lately has helped fill the void. Since I've finally been home for some solid weeks/weekends, I'm finally managing to make it back out to yoga and pilates. It's so funny to now be the Senior person in those classes. Last week in pilates, all the 20 week pregnant women were complaining about "popping" and how "huge" they are and how much they "ache" and I just wanted to say "Oh, ladies...if you only KNEW what you are in for. You can't feel that bad now! You are barely pregnant!" That's right. I am that woman now. Now I know why all the 35 week pregnant people just looked at me like "Oh please, you are SO not pregnant" when I was in there at 12 weeks. They were right. I was SO not pregnant. NOW I am pregnant. You have to earn your pregnancy badge. Only bruised ribs and an aching back will really get you into the club. Until your child is beating you up from the inside and you can't sit in one position for more than 5 minutes, I don't want to hear it.

Okay, kidding, kidding...everyone is different and everyone has a different reaction to pregnancy. Pregnant friends, do not be afraid to call and complain. I will totally sympathize, even if you are only at 12 weeks. Of course, I may also have to pause mid-call to groan in pain and push my baby's legs out of my ribs...just sayin'.

Mystery Solved!

So, apparently the reason that I now have to pee every 2 minutes and have sharp pains when I try to do certain stretches during yoga is that not only is Orange Seed now head down, but she is so far down that when the doctor tried to feel her out today her comment was "Ah, okay. She is so far down that I am only feeling neck where I would expect to feel head." Now, initially I wondered if I needed to be worried that this meant she is trying to enter the world before she is allowed, but according to the doc, nope, she has just decided that she is ready to get into her proper position. I guess it's still possible for her to move back up and out before the due date, but for now she is seemingly content to be in pre-launch position.

I am proud of her for already being in the right position. I am hoping this means that she will be born in the same way she has been gestating - smooth and easy.

That said, this does mean that I am in for 9 1/2 more weeks of some pretty impressive pelvic pain and general lower-abdomen heaviness. Suddenly I know why all those later pregnancy women walk so slowly. It's not because they have gotten out of shape, it's because their babies are sitting low and so walking any faster makes baby bounce, which not only doesn't feel great to your poor pubic bone, but also makes you have to pee ever more frequently. Also, it's because their lungs have been mushed up into a very small cavity in their torso with far less room to expand than in previous months. You know how you feel after a humongous meal? One in which you cleaned your plate and then ordered and demolished dessert even though you knew you were beyond full? Well, imagine that feeling 24/7. That's a little like what third-trimester pregnancy feels like. I mean, look at it this way...

In Week 6 of pregnancy, your body still has most of its organs in the appropriate places. That big "empty" spot above the baby, that is where your lungs, stomach, etc., all have their own lovely roomy abodes. Ahh...plenty of room to expand.



Now, in Week 31, we see that the big "empty" spot is...wait...where did it go? That's right, it's gone and with it the comfort of all your organs with the exception of the uterus, which has suddenly become top dog when it comes to occupying space within your body cavity. Now do the shortness of breath and feelings of tightness/heaviness make sense? Compound that new lack of available space with the fact that the baby is now weighing in at more than 3lbs and it only makes sense that things are getting a little weird in the body department.

But that's okay, Orange Seed. We want you to stay put for at least the next 8-10 weeks. Mommy is happy to put up with a little discomfort to ensure that you are full-grown and fully-developed before you come out to join us in this big crazy world.