If Lullabies Could Kill

FYI - The Rockabye Baby CDs are a little weak. I'm not sure exactly what I expected, but let's put it this way...if even I can't immediately recognize Bob Marley's "One Love", then you know it ain't good. Additionally, I'm pretty sure that I could have banged out a similar rendition way back when we used to get to experiment with the xylophone in elementary school. That's right - the XYLOPHONE. "One Love" has taken a sad turn for the worse in a rendition that truly involves nothing other than a snooze inducing xylophone tap session. If the next song starts and they are playing "No Woman, No Cry" on the recorder, I might have to chuck the CD out the window and apologize to the reggae gods for having purchased such a sad, making-Bob-roll-over-in-his-grave, excuse for a CD. Why I thought a Lullaby rendition of these songs might be better for baby than the real thing, I can't imagine, but over my dead body will Orange Seed think that this is what Bob Marley and The Beatles are supposed to sound like.

Oh wait...I stand corrected. That is not a xylophone, it is a glockenspiel. Apparently there are also a vibraphone and mellotron in there somewhere. If anyone knows what a mellotron is, by all means enlighten me. Its name conjures up images of a slightly effeminate and exceedingly boring Transformer and its sound isn't a whole lot better.

On a side note, does anyone remember playing the glockenspiel in elementary school?




They used to give you those felt tipped mallets and then tell you to play it as though there was glue on the mallet. "Tap the key and then slowly pull away." I have vivid memories of those sessions. Maybe because I was forced to tap out good songs in an all together inappropriately Tinkerbell sounding manner. That's it! This CD sounds like Bob Marley was kidnapped and rehabilitated into a happy-happy-joy-joy fairy with a tooshie that makes little tinkling bell sounds when he shakes it. Oh Bob, I am so sorry....

Tick Tock, Tick Tock

It is going to be a sad sad day for the Duck mailbox when Orange Seed is born.

I know that sounds weird but, honestly, this mailbox has gotten used to getting daily cards, gifts, deliveries, etc. I think it is going to be a little jealous when the baby arrives and suddenly she is the one getting showered with attention rather than the mailbox. I dread to think what it might do to exact revenge...If we don't pay bills for a few months, it is not our fault. I am sure the mailbox ate them as payback.

According to the latest reports, Orange Seed is weighing in at almost 4lbs these days. She is definitely getting more squished in there as the bigger kicks and punches, though still happening occasionally, have given way to more squirming and rolling. It is hard to believe that we only have 59 days to go. That said, the last week has dragged by at a snail's pace. After feeling like the first 6 months flew by at warp speed, it is hard to settle into this new slowpoke progression. Knowing that we are in the final stretch has definitely made us ever more eager to finally have this little girl out here with us, rather than in my belly, and yearning for her arrival has caused a permanent change in the procession of time. Now time just mocks us as it sits there, occasionally letting a minute tick by, often refusing to budge...We've gone from "Only 9 weeks!" to "A whole 9 WEEKS!" and we're having to use those Lamaze breathing techniques to slow ourselves down and deal with the pain of all this waiting. This must be how you feel as a kid when you are waiting and waiting for Santa to come and your parents keep telling you, "But Johnny, Santa just came 2 weeks ago. He won't be back for another year." AHHHHHHHHH!!! Not that we want Orange Seed to come out too early mind you. We want her to stay in there and bake for as long as she needs to, but still...8 WEEKS...
By 8 weeks from now, I will likely have reorganized all her little belongings approximately 7,543 times. That has become my new way of distracting myself from the fact that she's not here. We've set up the crib, the rocker, the changing table. I even put sheets on the crib the other night, just to prepare. I moved her diapers (yes, she already has diapers) from the closet to the shelf below the changing pad. I hung most of her little clothes on little tiny hangers in the closet (tiny hangers, by the way, are the cutest thing EVER). I set up her Gentle Giraffe near her crib (Thank you, Suzanne and Tim!!!) and I've folded the 6 changing pads (yes, 6) that I've won through Big City Moms into a perfect stack in the closet. I've placed orders for a few things we are still missing and I've started to put together a list of drugstore items that we'll need to pick up before she gets here. If I don't have our hospital bags packed and ready to go 6 weeks prior to her arrival, I'll be amazed. It is just so hard not to have anything left to do but wait. We're finishing up our Childbirth classes, I have a breastfeeding class coming up, we have the two baby showers these next two weekends (yay!!!!!!), but otherwise...tick tock, tick tock. Even having friends in to visit and spending copious amounts of time at the gym are not helping distract from the sludge-o-time. Oh, Orange Seed, you can't possibly know how anxious we are to finally meet you. Thoughts of you occupy our days and nights and mornings and evenings and all other -ings in between. As we keep telling you, definitely don't come out before you are 100% ready and safe to do so; however, if we got to say 38/39 weeks and you WERE ready...we would take you a little early. Just sayin...

Mystery Solved!

So, apparently the reason that I now have to pee every 2 minutes and have sharp pains when I try to do certain stretches during yoga is that not only is Orange Seed now head down, but she is so far down that when the doctor tried to feel her out today her comment was "Ah, okay. She is so far down that I am only feeling neck where I would expect to feel head." Now, initially I wondered if I needed to be worried that this meant she is trying to enter the world before she is allowed, but according to the doc, nope, she has just decided that she is ready to get into her proper position. I guess it's still possible for her to move back up and out before the due date, but for now she is seemingly content to be in pre-launch position.

I am proud of her for already being in the right position. I am hoping this means that she will be born in the same way she has been gestating - smooth and easy.

That said, this does mean that I am in for 9 1/2 more weeks of some pretty impressive pelvic pain and general lower-abdomen heaviness. Suddenly I know why all those later pregnancy women walk so slowly. It's not because they have gotten out of shape, it's because their babies are sitting low and so walking any faster makes baby bounce, which not only doesn't feel great to your poor pubic bone, but also makes you have to pee ever more frequently. Also, it's because their lungs have been mushed up into a very small cavity in their torso with far less room to expand than in previous months. You know how you feel after a humongous meal? One in which you cleaned your plate and then ordered and demolished dessert even though you knew you were beyond full? Well, imagine that feeling 24/7. That's a little like what third-trimester pregnancy feels like. I mean, look at it this way...

In Week 6 of pregnancy, your body still has most of its organs in the appropriate places. That big "empty" spot above the baby, that is where your lungs, stomach, etc., all have their own lovely roomy abodes. Ahh...plenty of room to expand.



Now, in Week 31, we see that the big "empty" spot is...wait...where did it go? That's right, it's gone and with it the comfort of all your organs with the exception of the uterus, which has suddenly become top dog when it comes to occupying space within your body cavity. Now do the shortness of breath and feelings of tightness/heaviness make sense? Compound that new lack of available space with the fact that the baby is now weighing in at more than 3lbs and it only makes sense that things are getting a little weird in the body department.

But that's okay, Orange Seed. We want you to stay put for at least the next 8-10 weeks. Mommy is happy to put up with a little discomfort to ensure that you are full-grown and fully-developed before you come out to join us in this big crazy world.

Nesting

Baby has a bed! And the most impressive part...her mom put it together ALL ON HER OWN! Actually, more impressive than that, the thing looks like it is actually going to hold together and I don't think there is so much as one piece out of place. That's right. I am a furniture building GOD. The crib arrived early last week. The delivery man called and informed me that he would be leaving it by the front door. I tried to play the pregnancy card, letting him know that I am 7 months pregnant and that carrying a 60lb box up four flights of stairs is not exactly in my bag of tricks right now, but he merely said "Well, I'm sure your husband can do it when he gets home." Next time I'm going to be quicker. Next time I'm going to respond by bursting into tears and exclaiming "My...My...I don't have a husband...anymore...that woman..." or maybe "...the crash..." and we'll see if that gets me some furniture delivered to my door. But, this time, I was left to unpack the box in the downstairs lobby, then carry the crib piece by piece up to the apartment. But, it was all worth it as that afternoon those numerous pieces all came together into one adorable (and hopefully safe!) crib.

It still feels a little surreal, but having the crib put together does make me feel at least slightly more prepared. There are only so many things you HAVE to have before the baby is born. A crib/bed is kind of one of them. Now we just need someplace to change the baby; diapers and related necessities; and the basics in terms of medical/hygiene paraphernalia. And the car seat! Gotta get the car seat. I don't want to have to pull a Brittany Spears on the way home from the hospital because we forgot to get that one most important of things. With two showers coming up at the end of the month, we are sure to pick up some more useful things and I keep reminding myself that whatever we don't take away from the showers, we will still have 6 weeks or so to get, so no need to panic yet. It would definitely be nice to feel ready though. I wonder if you ever really do.

Another exciting item arrived to help us get prepared this week. Grandma and Grandpa Spatz were wonderful enough to buy us a beautiful rocking chair and ottoman. It is the most cushy and comfortable chair in the world. We can't wait to spend hours and hours rocking little Orange Seed in that chair. In fact, after spending some quality time rocking in it today, I'm thinking I may be spending some hours sleeping in that chair as well. So comfy...Well worth poor Chris having to drag the 80lb box, which another kind delivery man just dropped in the front lobby, up four flights of stairs to the apartment. Also well worth having our neighbors hate us after said box got left in the lobby all day long, completely blocking anyone from getting in or out of the building without having to utilize some serious pole vaulting skills. Sorry, neighbors!

It is hard to believe that we only have 10 weeks to go now. Less than 10 actually. It is all starting to feel very real as we start going on hospital tours and taking Childbirth classes. Accepting the reality of being pregnant was one thing. Now realizing that in only 10 short weeks we will have an actual baby is something totally different. A couple of weeks ago we went on our hospital tour and though I had been feeling completely calm and prepared, something about being in the hospital, seeing the actual delivery room, and then looking into the nursery at all of those little round faces drove a new sense of reality home. I have gotten so used to the idea that there is a baby inside me, that I think the reality that I would soon have one outside in my arms hadn't really sunk in. Knowing that Orange Seed will be here soon is the most exciting thing in the world and yet, the birth is such an unknown. You can read all of the pregnancy books and check off symptoms you do or don't have as they happen. No matter how many times you read about the delivery process or hear other people's stories, you just can't really visualize or understand it before it happens. Having such a huge unknown at the end of the process is a strange thing to deal with. That said, I'm actually not afraid. There's some anxiety...certainly a sense of unease in all of the anticipation, but I'm not afraid per se. I do believe that this is a natural process. Women were built for this. And I certainly believe everything will be fine, but preparing for delivery and for being parents to an actual, live, 100% dependent baby is something that just feels so intangible. And so, we do what we can to prepare in our own way. We build cribs. We make scrapbooks. We buy diapers and diaper cream and onesies and medical supplies. We take Infant Care Classes. We keep blogs and journals and we talk - we talk to friends, to family, to ourselves, and to Orange Seed. We reassure ourselves that everything we really need to know to be good parents is already inside of us. The rest...well...that's just the learning curve that comes with any new job. And in this case, the most important thing we need to know, that unshakable, unending, unbelievable love between a parent and child, well, that is already present and powerful and with that, all will be fine.

Sad to Report...

...we are back from Mexico and back to the 30 degree days and 18 degree nights. Waaaaaah. 8 days of sun, sand, and nada coladas was a wonderful break from the winter monotony and coming back to the reality of January in NYC was as harsh as expected - picture 18 degree winds whipping you about the head. But, complaints regarding the cold aside, the trip was incredible. Though I had blown the surprise location, Chris was still 100% surprised to find that not only were we going to Mexico, but Brad, Anna, Allie, Janie, Dave and Adam were all there as well. A whole week of relaxation with some of our closest friends was exactly the way he had hoped to spend his 30th Bday, so the surprise thrilled him and the week was a blast. Chris and I also got our first taste of vacationing with kids and though we now know that sleeping in is not an option with an 18-month old, we also know that having little ones at the pool makes the pool twice as fun. Allie and Adam were both adorable and we're only hoping that Orange Seed will be half as good.


Adam spent the week teaching us how to play Good Turtles vs Bad Turtles in the pool and Allie spent the week learning our names so that she could make us go "awwwwwwww" every time she would then see us and either say "Ernin!" or "Kis!". She also spent the week cracking us up by making her "Cutie Pie" face, which basically involves squinting her eyes, puckering up her lips, and then insisting "Pie! Pie!" Clearly her cuteness has not been missed by anyone, including her.




Chris and I enjoyed getting to just relax and unwind for a week. Orange Seed apparently enjoyed it too, because she was more active than ever. She stayed up until about 1am one night, spinning such circles in my belly that her dad and I both had to wonder whether or not that chocolate crepe before bed might have been a baaaaad idea. She also started kicking early in the morning. Though her dad was pretty convinced she would be just fine with us sleeping in, I was pretty sure she was begging to be brought back to the pool. I think Orange Seed liked the toasty warm feeling of having her home get browned in the sun.

Overall, a wonderful week that is better shown in pictures than explained in words.

Estómagos Grandes son Hermosas!

Dear Dr. Gerardis -

Why, oh why, can't you be the only doctor in my practice? You are so kind and sweet and friendly. Even today, when you are struggling with a terrible cough, you come in all smiles and call me "honey" and take the time to see how I'm feeling and to ask if I have any questions. You explain everything you're doing and tell me where I fall on all the scales (average measurement, weight, etc.). At the end of each appointment I have with you, I just want to wrap you up in a big hug and say "Thank you! Thank you for being the only doctor in this practice who seems genuinely interested in who I am and how I'm doing." If I wind up having to be induced, I will certainly be trying to weasel my way into having it done to coincide with when you are on call.

Yours with Hope That You Will Be in the Delivery Room with Me,
Erin


Tomorrow we head to Mexico. It was good to have a last little check-up before we go, to make sure that Orange Seed is still doing just fine and that we should be healthy enough to have a good, no-issues, trip. The results from Ghetto Lab came in and my glucose levels are not only fine, but "Excellent. Doesn't get better than that," according to Dr. Gerardis. We are also at no risk for anemia and Orange Seed is measuring at just the right size. Additionally, I got to ask if the fact that I've gained way less weight than all these pregnancy books say I should have at this point is an issue. Nope, it's not. In fact, she complimented me on how healthy I am and said she wished all her patients could stay this diligent throughout pregnancy. And yes, that was a total pat on the back, but hey...there have definitely been times I would have rather had a cookie sundae than a salad and there have definitely been times that I haven't felt like taking my aching back to the gym, but each time, I have taken a deep breath and reminded myself that healthier is better and so, I think I deserve a little pat on the back, no? Plus, we need to boost the self-confidence now that we are only one day away from having to put on a swimsuit at the beach. Bellies are beautiful. Bellies are beautiful. Or, in the native speak of my soon to be vacation spot, "Estómagos grandes son hermosas. Estómagos grandes son hermosas."

And so, with that assertion in mind, we're off to Mexico. Adios, mis amigos. See you in a week!

Dreams of the Twilight Zone Variety

For some time now, all of my pregnancy books have been insisting that I should be having baby-related dreams. They say that you will either have fear-revealing dreams: falling, blood, partner being difficult, partner having an affair, baby being born with/without additional extremities, etc., etc. Or, you might have hope/excitement-revealing dreams: cuddling with your baby, baby animals that are cuddly, future events with your baby, dreams of flying/freedom. They say that in the third trimester you are especially likely to start having dreams focused on labor and birth.

Up until now, I had actually had no baby related dreams. Whether this shows a lack of concern or a lack of imagination, I don't know, but I haven't dreamed of baby in any way, shape, or form. Or, I should say I hadn't, until now. Two nights ago I had my first baby-related dream and it was a WEIRD one. It started off perfectly harmless. Chris and I were lying in bed and Orange Seed started to kick, so I reached down to put my hand on my belly. When I touched my belly, I could tell that the part of her that was poking at me was an elbow, so I grabbed Chris' hand excitedly and said, "Feel this!" Chris reached down to feel her little elbow and that's when things got weird. We felt her elbow and then started to see if we could identify other parts of her. There was her arm, her head, her legs, her feet, and my dream-self suddenly realized that this was way more of her than we should have been able to identify and lifting back the covers, we looked down, and there she was - on the OUTSIDE. Except she wasn't. She was still connected to me and though we could see all of her, she was still under my skin in some way, shape, or form that only your dream-self can accept and understand. Amazingly, we were totally calm in the dream, but I did point out to Chris that if she was already this big - too big to just remain unseen in the womb - then how in the world was there going to be room for her to grow another few inches and another 5-6lbs? We sat there looking at her little wriggling body and I just couldn't fathom it. There wasn't room!

And then I woke up and waking-me realized how totally bizarre the dream actually was. I suppose there's something to be said about dreams revealing your inner concerns. I had been thinking lately how tight my stomach has become. I get that it still isn't nearly as big as it will be, but on the days where it feels like it's being stretched to the point of popping, it is really hard to believe that it can get much bigger. All I can compare it to is a night where you ate WAY too much and you sit there, distended stomach stretched to the point of aching, cursing yourself for having forced down that last bite of chocolate cake (or burrito, or pizza, or ice cream...pick your poison). This is like that, only you know it's not going away anytime soon and that "last bite" occasionally kicks you in the ribs.